Friday, April 29, 2011

Emotional eating still an issue

This week has been very blah and frustrating. Today was even more so as my ex-boyfriend once again has been contacting me and today told me that he can't stop thinking about me. I don't want to hear that. I am at a place where I honestly feel like I am over the relationship, and I haven't been able to feel that for so long. I also feel an element of an addiction with him, like if we talk, I could get sucked back in again. We were so on and off that it's a relationship that is just not right.

Anyway, all day I have felt like eating. I literally just wanted pizza, then ice cream, then went to the grocery store and wanted donuts, cookies, muffins, like everything I walked by. I didn't get any, don't worry. (And this is after I just wrote about not having cravings!) But it dawned on me that the reason I was thinking so much about food and wanting to eat all that was strictly emotional. I was obviously thinking about my ex and feeling strong uncomfortable emotions about it and wanted to avoid that.

In the past, that's when I would just focus on what I should eat, but now I don't (or very rarely) allow myself to eat all that junk, so instead I am just stuck with the feelings. And that's ok. If you don't let a feeling start, you also don't let it end. I will be fine. Everything will be fine. I will deal with this as an adult, in a healthy way and be just fine.

C25k: I did Wk2, Day 3 today. Still don't like it. A couple times I stopped running 10-20 seconds before I was supposed to, which sadly means running for 90 seconds is still difficult for me. Run time was 10:16 tho so I'm moving faster at least.

Attitude of Gratitude: "Awareness and compulsion cannot coexist." (A quote from the book, Women, Food and God) I'm grateful to be aware.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Sore... do you guys stretch?

I have the worst shin splints from running. I actually got out a rolling pin and gave myself a weird shin massage with it. It felt really good actually.

And I am so sore in my back, calves, thighs, everywhere. And kind of in weird places where I don't really know how to stretch it out, like on the side of my thigh.

I have been stretching more lately mostly just because I have been so sore. I typically don't or haven't stretched in the past unless I feel like I need to. Altho I'm sure some of you will argue that you always need to. Maybe sometimes it seems like a waste of time. But I don't want to be sore or worse, actually hurt myself, so I know I need to incorporate it especially if I am running.

So what kind of stretches do you guys do? Or do you even stretch at all?

C25k update: This is going to sound nuts and I'm surprised myself, but I was so bored and restless yesterday afternoon that even tho I did the elliptical in the morning, I decided to do my Wk 2, Day 2 run. Still hard, still hate it. Altho, I have been increasing my run time (VERY slightly.. its at about 12 mins now).

Attitude of Gratitude: Got a pedicure today. A nice red color, pretty toes make me happy.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

What cravings?

It wasn't long ago that I craved all the bad foods. I used to want chips, potato skins, mozzarella sticks, ice cream, candy, all that stuff.
But guess what? I hardly do at all anymore! How the hell did that happen? Well, how it happens is I haven't had any of that for so long that the cravings just went away. That's like God's little gift he gives you for sticking to your plan, or the universe's way of rewarding you for your efforts.

I still want some things obviously, especially when things are just sitting around, but the cravings aren't as intense. Like when I see my (skinny ass) sister eating bad junk food, I don't even care... I don't even get all pissy and bitter about not having any. That is progress, folks! If you've been reading for awhile, you know I used to hate those temptations being around.

I've also discovered that some of the things I used to love, I don't even like any more, like potato chips and french onion dip. I realized that it doesn't even taste good to me anymore. Thank you God/ Universe!

Attitude of Gratitude: I have pretty hair. Lol... I am getting kind of tired of doing this every day, I have things to be grateful for but sometimes its hard to think of things to write down! (But I guess thinking about things is the whole point...)

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

New Goal- Nutrient Rich Diet

I just finished reading a book called Eat to Live by Joel Fuhrman, M.D. and thought I'd share some of its good points with you. I didn't agree with everything (like it discourages eating any animal byproducts at all, no meat, no chicken, no fish, nothing), but overall I did like the book. It's worth the rental at the library.

The premise of this "diet" is that we should be eating a nutrient rich, fiber rich, lower calorie diet while getting adequate physical activity. It seems a little common sense, but are we doing that? I know I don't ever really focus on getting "nutrients."

Since I have been doing Weight Watchers, I have been eating the things I want and just counting it into my daily points. However, the idea here is that if you eat foods that are nutrient rich, like vegetables, fruits, beans, etc, you will get full much faster and have no desire to eat the lesser quality foods like ice cream and chips and stuff. (I think I will choose to include lean proteins in the nutrient rich category). It says that 90% of your diet should be these nutrient rich foods, and then we would just automatically eat less calories. Smart.

I think this is helpful in terms of overeating. If we fill up on nutrient rich foods, then we won't feel like eating the junk food. The book says that most people who eat a calorie rich, nutrient poor diet will become compulsive eaters. It says, "By consuming so many crucial nutrients and fiber, your body's drive to overeat is blunted." This has gotta be true, I know I've never found myself eating a whole bag of carrots or anything...

Just thought I'd share my findings since I am going to try to focus on eating better foods with more nutrients and fiber, and of course keep eating veggies with every meal.

C25k: I did Week 2, Day 1 today. It was harder since it tells you to run for 90 seconds, rather than the 60 secs on Wk 1. Still not a fan. I may repeat Week 1 since towards the end, I stopped running before my 90 sec mark and since I did Wk 1 two weeks ago now. Definitely got my heart rate up and left me breathing heavy!

Attitude of Gratitude: The rain stopped for about an hour so I got to go running, and I actually did it instead of making it into an excuse not to!

Monday, April 25, 2011

Mom's on board

My mom has been saying for awhile that she wants to lose weight and keeps saying that I have inspired her with my weight loss, which is of course very flattering. So now she is officially on board and is going to do Weight Watchers and count points with me. I have it down flat at this point and don't even write it out anymore, but I am helping her learn the points of everything.

It's always easier when the people who live with or hang out with a lot are into eating healthy. It's nice to have her being healthy now because that means less snack food being out, healthier (and earlier) dinners, no drinking, all that stuff. Thankfully, I have learned to deal with it not being this way, but now I will have a weight loss buddy (other than all you!) and I can help her out too.

C25k: It was cold and rainy today so no running, but I did 2hrs on the elliptical. I know, it sounds insane, but I was just into my music and felt like I could keep going, so I did. I did a level 5 for about an hour, then kicked it up to 6.

Attitude of Gratitude: I got my car fixed and the guy says it should be good to go for awhile. Hope so!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Weigh in and a confession

Today's weigh in- 188.3, which is a loss of 1.3 lbs from last Sunday. I'm happy with this especially since I lost 4.6 last week.

Thursday I weighed 187.8, so I did go up since then. So as for my confession.. I gave in yesterday and drank with my family. They always do (probably too much) and lately I don't at all. I just don't want the empty calories. But I did yesterday, and to be honest, I had close to a whole bottle of wine. Bad, I know... I hate to admit it but I gotta be honest with you guys.

So overall it's a good weigh in, but I do feel like it could have been better if I hadn't messed up yesterday.

The plan for this week is to stay on course with eating well and to keep up my workouts but also add in the running again. This past week was cold and rainy so I didn't run once. But this week should be better so I for sure will. This will be week 2 of the C25k plan. And hopefully that'll let me kick ass for my weigh in next week!

Attitude of Gratitude: It's been a nice Easter weekend with the family. Happy Easter everyone!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Hit my goal 9 days early! (And some NSVs!)

Yaya! Yep, I weighed in today and the scale said 187.8, which means I've lost the 10 lbs I wanted to lose in April.

Man, I love seeing a 1-8-something. I am on a roll here. I hope that doesn't sound cocky, I am kind of in awe of how well I am doing myself. I do put in the work tho, eating well and working out daily.

AND! Another exciting thing... (my Non Scale Victory news), I tried on 2 pairs of old jeans today. One was a size 14, a little tight, but it fit and I wore it out and everything. The other was a size 12!!! And it fit!!! Very tight, and I wouldn't wear it out, but it zipped and buttoned! I am officially NOT a 16 anymore, and am so close to officially being a 14! (Being in between sizes is annoying... more motivation to "officially" get there.)

Also I bought a belt for the first time (in way too long) about 2 weeks ago (a 2XL) and had it belted on the 3rd hole, and am now on the 5th hole! That's right, I have already moved it 2 notches! I am so excited about that. One more hole to go and I'll have to buy a new belt! Not a bad problem to have :)

Attitude of Gratitude: I have 110 followers! Wow, when did that happen? Thanks for everyone who follows me and comments. I'll definitely be checking out your blogs too!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Why is it cold again?

Just when I was starting to run it gets cold out again. Isn't it spring already? So annoying! The other day it even snowed. I don't run in 40 degree weather... I guess I shouldn't let that stop me, but I'm a big baby.

I am still doing C25k but might be a week behind (which luckily so is Gen because she's taking a trip). I was just excited to see how much of a difference Week 2 made on the scale. Hopefully next week tho!

I am still doing my usual 90 minutes on the elliptical. Tomorrow I might do the Biggest Loser DVD.

My parents are home pretty much for good now, so dinners are with them, which is nice. They usually cook healthy and I also like to cook a lot so it's not a problem. They still have their "happy hour" but I don't drink and have worked in snacking on veggies or pretzels before dinner. I've gotten into a little rhythm so it's easier now. So, for all those just starting or getting annoyed with the whole eating well thing, just let me tell you I've been there (read some older posts!) and it DOES get easier!

Attitude of Gratitude: It's nice to have the rents home, it makes it not as boring around here.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Honeymoon phase of weight loss

Awhile back, I commented on someone's blog. They were struggling with late night eating or something, so I just wrote a positive comment that included some things I do to curb late night eating, like having pudding or a fudgsicle or chewing gum. Maybe I was being too overly positive because they actually wrote a blog referencing me as someone who was in the "honeymoon stage" of weight loss. Even as I read it, I was thinking that it described me; being motivated and excited about it. The other stages were when your weight loss tapers off, when it gets harder, when you lose steam, fall off the wagon, get back on, etc.

It really made me think. I actually got nervous that I would soon be out of the honeymoon phase and enter a new phase where I would be struggling and tired of doing it and then fail.

But I've been losing weight for about 8 months, had this blog for 3 months, and am proud to say that I am still going strong and feel like I am still in the honeymoon phase of weight loss. I'm still as focused, if not more. I still get excited when I lose weight. I don't dread working out, I actually enjoy the elliptical. (Running not so much yet). I don't mind saying no to certain foods (most of the time!) and eating in moderation. I am still happy to be doing this.

It's not always easy, but when you are doing something positive for yourself and it is actually making a difference, and you're actually getting results, it's not hard to want to keep doing it as much as possible.
Attitude of Gratitude: I borrowed some good cookbooks/ eating healthy type books from the library. If I get some good tips, I'll share them with you guys.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Me and Weight Watchers

I really like Weight Watchers because it works... isn't that their slogan? Anyway, I recommend it everyone wanting to lose weight because it's fairly easy. You can eat what you want and live normally. And it helps with portion control and knowing how much to eat in order to lose weight.

So far, I've just been doing it on my own rather than actually being a member. I've done it before, so I figured I know how it works and I can weigh myself weekly and be accountable to myself. Since I know the system, counting points is easier than counting calories. Plus it takes into account carbs, protein, fiber and fat instead of just calories, which makes it healthier.

But there's a couple things I don't really get with it...

For one, you get 49 weekly points to use on whatever you want to eat in the week. You can space them out or have one gigantic meal. I don't like this because I don't lose weight if I eat that many more points, or not as much anyway. I get that they want you to feel like you're free to cheat a little, which is the whole point (to feel like you're not on a "diet") but it doesn't maximize results for me.

The second thing is that you get activity points for exercising. But I also don't like this because I always feel like if I work out, I don't want to undo it by eating back the calories I just burned. So I never use these.

Writing down everything I eat has been helpful in being conscious of everything I eat, and forces me to plan and keeps me accountable. Especially at the beginning, I think it's important to write down what you eat because it's really a learning process.

I've been doing WW for maybe 7-8 months now. But honestly lately, I have gotten a little boring, been eating the same things, and am just focusing on eating healthy rather than getting all my points in for the day.

The last couple weeks, I actually haven't tracked my food and have found that I eat less than if I write it down and try to meet my daily points. I guess I am less concerned with food than I used to be. (Thank God!).

Right now I am feeling like it would just be better to eat low calories foods, and lots of veggies and lean protein (like chicken and fish). I think doing that would actually be a stricter diet than WW. I don't know. I think Weight Watchers and I might be taking a little hiatus here. I will still look up points values for foods I don't know just to be aware it, and I know I'll still mentally go over what I am eating during a day, but I might not track everything and try to meet the daily number. If it doesn't work, I can always go back to it.

I know a lot of you are doing WW, so what do you think? What do you like/ dislike about it?

Attitude of Gratitude: It gets easier! Losing weight is a struggle at first, but once you get focused and figure out what works for you, it really does get easier!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Extremely happy weigh in

I am excited to tell you all that I lost 4.6 lbs this week! What!? I haven't lost that much since I kinda first started so I am very happy.

I do this thing sometimes when I step on the scale. I close my eyes and think of some lower number than was on the scale the previous day. So today, I stepped on and was like like, "190 point something..." (I'm such a dork, I know.) But it was even better than that...

I weigh 189.6! No more 190s! That was pretty fast too. Definitely going to meet my goal this month!

So what was different about this week? First, I started running, which was sucky, but obviously it is working so I will definitely keep going. And I also didn't really track my food. I ate well, but didn't write it down or count it. Sometimes, I would count it out in my head just to double check, but I think I might eat less if I'm not focused on eating a certain (WW pts) number in a day.

Attitude of Gratitude: 4.6! 'Nuff said!

Friday, April 15, 2011

Fun weekend ahead.. (And a scale shocker!)

First things first. I weighed myself when I woke up today and it said 190.5! (It was 194.2 on Sunday!) That is already a 3.7lb loss this week! What?!? I haven't lost 3 lbs in so long! So what have I learned this week? Keep running, because apparently it is working!

In other news, it's going to be a fun, busy weekend. I am going out with friends this weekend Friday, Saturday during the day, and then have a date Saturday night (yay!!).

On Friday, I'll be eating out and going to a bar, so I will have to kind of watch what I drink and eat, but I won't be too strict about it. I want to have fun and not worry about it, but I won't go overboard. (Sometimes it's really annoying to have to be mindful of this stuff...) Saturday during the day and at night should both be fine.

Right now, the scale is making me very happy so far this week, so we'll see what this weekend does to that. I always get kind of nervous when I change up the routine by traveling or going out because that's when I feel like I'm tested in terms of eating well. But I'm so excited for a 3+lb loss and I don't want to undo my efforts so that motivation will be in my head.  I hope you all have a great weekend!

Attitude of Gratitude: I'm grateful to have some fun plans!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Running. Yep, still hate it.

This running business is hard!

Just a little thought here... this program is called COUCH to 5k. I didn't exactly go from the couch, I have been working out for months, doing an hour on the elliptical and workout DVDs. I thought I was in "ok" shape. But apparently not, because just running for 60 second spurts is really hard! Now I'm wondering how I would have been if I had started this when I REALLY was just getting off the couch.

Also, Gen said this the other day, but my arms do kinda feel weird and heavy when I run.

Plus I have the worst shin splints!! That is the sorest thing on my body. My shins aren't fat, people! I'd rather be sore in my legs or butt or something, but nope, just shins.

I realize I'm a little whiny today but I won't be quitting. Hopefully it'll get better. That's what people tell me...

Attitude of Gratitude: Second date tonight!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Before and Now Pictures

Oh boy. Ok, here is a little glimpse of me when I started and where I am now...

I  should have taken better progress pictures to be able to compare, but I don't know if I gave myself enough credit that I would actually lose much weight honestly.

I really don't have many pictures of myself at the before stage because I avoided cameras. Especially with Facebook these days, why would I want my fat pictures posted online? I didn't want all my friends who I hadn't seen in awhile to see how much I had let myself go.

So, here is a full length picture of me at my highest weight, 250. Don't you like my shawl... as if that is hiding anything.
Here is a picture of me now, about halfway to my goal, at 195ish.
I've lost 55 lbs. I've lost my double chin. And I can see my collar bone now. About 45 more to go til my goal. Right now I am a size 14-15, I don't really know. It depends on the brand, and I only have 2 pair of jeans because hopefully I won't be in this size for long.

Sorry my face isn't in the pictures, but I still want to just stay anonymous. It's not because of any of you; I think I am just still too self-conscious about everything and want this blog to stay anonymous so I can be 100% honest and not worry about it.

Attitude of Gratitude: I'm grateful I have come this far and can change the way I look.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Couch to 5k! I'm doin it!

Let me just put this out there; I hate running.

I love my elliptical. It has gotten me results and it's not as hard as running. A part of me is thinking, why change a good thing?

But... I am looking to push myself more, so I will be taking up running. At least for 9 weeks. I am going to do the Couch to 5k program with my fellow blogger friend, Gen. I commented on her blog that it sounded good and I'd been oh you know, meaning to getting around to doing a little running sometime in the future myself (haha) and she suggested I join her in actually doing it. Well ok, I guess I can get on board with you know, ACTUALLY DOING IT!

So, I did my first run today and it was definitely harder than the elliptical! For the first week, you run 60 secs, then walk 90, off and on. And let me tell you, during the running, I was huffing and puffing. I was sweating, my heart rate was up and I was breathing heavy.

Also, I downloaded a C25k app for my phone so I can listen to music and the app tells me when to start running, when to walk and keep track of the time and distance. Pretty cool!

The C25k stuff is 3 days a week, so I'll be doing it with other workouts on the other days. I was nervous before I started. I was scared I'd be too out of shape, plus I don't really love running outside where people can actually see me. But it was fine. Challenging, but fine. I made it! I think I need to do stuff like this (ie pushing myself) more often.

Attitude of Gratitude: Thinking you can't do something and then actually doing it feels good.

Monday, April 11, 2011

My date went really well!! :)

Ok, it was a week late, but I went out on a first date last night! And it was really good!!! Lol I am blushing even as I write this because it was so good. He wants to see me again, and already texted me good morning and on his lunch break at work.

I was soo nervous at first! Honestly, I was feeling like he was too good for me, too good looking, too much of a cool guy. But he was so sweet and I could tell he liked me, and he said he was nervous too. We talked like we had already been friends, the conversation was easy and he held my hand. It was just so nice. We know I'm moving so we're just having fun, but now I hope the house doesn't sell quickly so I can spend more time with him (hopefully!). I'm just going to enjoy the present!

And I will say that yes, we kissed at the end of the night :) And it was good! I feel revived kind of, like I needed a good date to give me a boost. I hope he is feeling the same way. I also hope we can hang out more this week. :)

Attitude of Gratitude: I'm in looove! Hahah just kidding.. I am just very happy and excited!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Sunday Weigh Day

This week I lost 2.5 lbs! Now I am 194.2. Yay!

I am sooo glad I am back to a routine and back to losing at least 2 lbs a week. Hopefully I can keep it up!

Anyone else do a happy scale dance when you see lower numbers on the scale?

I have 20 more days to lose 5 more lbs to reach my goal for April. Piece of cake... well, more like piece of fruit or something. Is it me or does this seem like a long month?

I think I might post before and now pictures soon. Anyone interested?

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Results don't come for free

Results don't come for free. ~ Jillian Michaels

I love this quote. So true. If we want results, we have to put in the work.

Today, I felt extra motivated, so I did the Biggest Loser bootcamp DVD for 25 minutes and then 90 minutes on the elliptical. It felt good. I think I will start kicking it up a notch on the days where I am able to. If I have the time, why not work out extra hard?

<-- I think I will trust anything this woman says. Her body is killer.

Also I think I am going to start lifting weights every other day to work on my arms, I kind of like to do it just when I watch TV. I don't count reps or anything, I just go until I can't anymore, and do different exercises.

I should start doing crunches too. I haven't so far because I have just been focusing on cardio and I have felt like the #1 priority is to get the fat off my stomach and then get to working on the muscles, but what can it hurt to throw crunches into the routine?

Attitude of Gratitude: I'm grateful that right now, I even have the time to workout longer if I want to. I better make the most of it!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

What's the ideal pace to lose weight?

Obviously the more weight you have to lose, the more weight you can lose per week. Like the contestants on The Biggest Loser who lose like, 30 lbs in their first week!

Awhile ago, I made a goal to myself to lose 10 lbs a month until I lose 100 lbs. Well that means I have to lose at least 2.5 lbs every week... which is kinda unrealistic, right? Maybe I can do it now, weighing just under 200, but once I get to 180, 170, etc, that might be unrealistic...

I don't know. On the other hand, just because it gets a little hard doesn't mean that it is impossible. I might just have to work out harder. Since I'm doing weight watchers, I'd just steadily stick to my daily points.

What's your opinion on how much you should lose and how fast? Do you think you should lose a certain percentage of weight a month?

I guess I don't really know my body well enough to put a concrete goal into place. If I work out and eat well consistently (staying in my WW points allotment), then whatever happens, happens. Some weeks I may lose 3 lbs and some less than 1 lb. But honestly, even as I say that, I'm thinking that that is kind of a lazy, take the easy way out, way to look at it.

I'm happy with how I'm losing, which is about 2 lbs a week when I'm on plan. But I know that won't last forever, and maybe I won't be as gung ho, so I am nervous I'll stay stuck at a certain weight or take forever to lose it. I know there are more NSV to look for and I'm more than just a number on the scale, but I really want to get the weight off. Like now. ;)

That's why I have to make good, solid, realistic, doable goals. This month, I'm going for 10.

Attitude of Gratitude: I have officially retired (and am going to donate to Goodwill) my size 16 jeans.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Oh, jelly beans, how I love you. I mean hate you...

... I mean love you.

Argh! Why can I not stay away from a bowl of jelly beans?!?
It is mindless eating at its worst! My parents are home for a few days and junk food/ candy has infiltrated my healthy bubble!! This is when I need to be even better about eating and work harder at making good choices. Temptations are always going to be there, I just need to say no.

I should put a little post it on the bowl of jelly beans that says, "Just say no!" Haha... just kidding. That probably wouldn't go over well.

Date Update... We have both had conflicting things this week, so we are planning on going out this weekend. We've talked on the phone tho and been texting and he seems really nice and cool and genuine. Hopefully it goes well. I will tell ya all about either way :)

Attitude of Gratitude: Just talking on the phone with a cute, cool guy that I'm into is making me happy and making me realize how over my ex I really am.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Other people do influence your weight loss...

Of course I am losing this weight for me. It doesn't work any other way. You can't lose weight for someone else, it just won't stick. But I am at the point where I want to keep losing kind of to prove to people that I can and will. Like my family, especially my parents. My mom and dad are both so proud of how I've lost weight and am being so much healthier now that it makes me want to keep going and also makes me not want to gain it back.

My mom says that once she is going to be settled and home for awhile (they have more trips coming), she wants to just eat what I eat so she can lose weight like I am. She keeps saying how proud she is of me losing this weight and how fast I have done it and that she wants to do the same thing.

I've had several people tell me that I am inspiring them to lose weight. They want to lose weight and have seen me do it, so they know they can too. I tell them exactly what I'm doing; Weight Watchers and working out on the elliptical. And it honestly hasn't been that hard.  (Altho, this next 50 is probably going to be harder than the first 50.)

So my point is, sometimes, many times, the people in our lives really do influence our weight loss in some way. Sometimes it is negatively, sometimes it's positively. Hopefully you have more people positively affecting your weight loss than negatively. And if you don't, change it or even use your blog to create a positive support team.

Also, if you are on the path to losing weight, wherever you are on that journey, you are inspiring, because it's not always easy!

Attitude of Gratitude: I am inspiring!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Weigh In

This week, I lost 2.4 lbs! Yay!

I hope I can get back to losing 2+ lbs a week for the rest of this month so I can meet my April goal of 10 lbs.

As far as my date.. the guy had to go visit family and came back too late, so he wants to do it tomorrow. I'll probably say that's fine. Gotta love dating!

This is a half-assed post... I'm feeling eh. I'll write more tomorrow :)

Attitude of Gratitude: My family come home this weekend and we all had a fun time, which actually made the no-date thing kinda convenient.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Going on a first date. AH!

Ok, I'm telling you right now, I need comments for this post because I am freaking out!

I am going on a first date this weekend (Sun) and am NERVOUS!

My life in a recap right now is that I am living at home with my parents since my ex and I broke up and I moved out. We are all planning to move soon and then I'll get my own place and start over in a new place. But right now, my parents have a lot on their plates and have been out of town a lot. So it's just been me in the house with the dogs. And it's been getting kinda boring and lonely. So I decided to go on an online dating site and just see what happens.

So there's this guy I've been talking to and we are going to hang out this weekend. Dinner and a movie. He knows I'm moving and that I don't want anything serious. He actually just moved to town a few months ago too, so we're kind of in the same boat. He seems cool, but he's athletic and cute and I feel like he could do better than me...

I am soo nervous. My weight is always right there in the front of my mind no matter what, but now especially with the whole dating world, I feel SO insecure.

I would say 75% of my nervousness is probably stemming from my body issues. The other 25% is from me not having dated anyone, or even kissed anyone, besides my ex in the last 4 1/2 years or maybe more. (We were off and on...)

Anyway, I do feel good since I've lost, but I am still overweight and that makes me scared to date.

What if he thinks I am too fat? Yes, he has seen recent full length pictures of me, but I still worry about it. Any advice? I think I am just going to wear jeans and a nice top. Something that is slimming hopefully.

Attitude of Gratitude: I'm excited...