Uh oh, jeans are screamin

It happened. The day when you realize you better stop eating so much junk because now your jeans take some effort to get on. And are not comfortable.

But they just came out of the dryer, so...

Ok, it's not the dryer's fault.

But really. I had to do the hop this morning to get into these suckers. And now they are tight and I am very aware of the muffin top.

For those of you who don't know my weight loss story, I used to weigh 250lbs. (180 now) It takes something special to get up that high, specifically ignoring the mirror, thinking that another 10lbs isn't a big deal, and buying bigger sizes whenever the time came.

But NO. Not this time. I refuse to buy a bigger size and just be ok with gaining weight. So this is the turning point. Yeah, I knew I had to lose weight, but seriously, if my jeans aren't fitting, then it is do or die time.

I need to grow up and get serious about myself. I'm going to be 30 in less than 2 months (but that's another crisis for another time). Right now- Get Fit.

The struggle

And so it begins. The struggle.

I should have started the whole healthy eating plan but already had McDonald's for lunch. Which I usually don't even do anyway. My husband and I had a fight last night that just carried over to today and I wanted a Big Mac. Dumb. Counter-productive.

I'm definitely an emotional eater. I've figured out how to control it before, and I need to do that again. But right now, I feel that "I don't care" attitude coming on every time I make a food decision when I'm in a bad mood.

Oh life. It isn't awesome right now. Fighting with my husband sucks. I work for myself doing web content and design (yes, this blog needs a spruce..), but I wonder if I should be working in an office. You know, getting benefits. But my husband works for himself as well and I fear that if we didn't both have the same freedoms, I would resent it. I moved here a few years ago and lost touch with a lot of friends and haven't made many more. I miss the days of having someone who knew me really well and I could talk to. These are the ways I feel like I've lost myself.

Maybe focusing on the weight would be a good alternative to focusing on everyday stresses. Or I need to focus on it all more in an effort to get myself back, ie, fix it all.

Who starts a resolution on the 1st anyway?

Looking through this blog and seeing that my last post was in May makes me a little sad. I used to really enjoy blogging about my weight loss (and other random nonsense). It really helped to have that support. But in the last four years or so, it's gotten away from me.

And... so has my weight! I have basically been losing and gaining the same 10-15 lbs for the last four years. I had done so good and lost 75lbs, but after that, I just got a little too comfortable. I managed to lose 22 lbs for my wedding, but I can safely say that I've found them all again. Sad, really. I need to get off of this cycle and lose the weight for good. What happened to my original goal of losing 100 lbs?

It's come to my attention that I need to "get myself back" again. Not just with the weight, but everything else too. Sometimes we get busy and just lose ourselves in the midst of everything. I want to make time to do things that are important to me. I want to FIND new things that are important to me. Mostly I need to make myself a priority again.

And since I didn't quite have my act together by Jan 1st, might as well get a late start. (I'll convince myself that most people already ditched their resolutions anyway!)

What this looks like for me:

1. I will eat healthy healthy. I know how to do this, it is just a matter of doing it!
2. I will not eat SO healthy that I want to binge or quit. (Lifestyle change!)
3. I will start doing 30 minutes on the elliptical in the mornings.
4. I will read a daily devotional and read corresponding bible verses every morning. This means getting up early enough so I don't have to rush.
5. I will read books that interest and inspire me. First up- A New Earth (an Ekhart Tolle book that I read years ago about being spiritually awakened and living in the present moment)
6. I will start cooking better dinners that are healthy, but not boring.
7. I will blog. If nothing more than to journal about my goals and keep myself accountable.

And there you have it! I'd love to hear from anyone still reading this, and I look forward to making new blogger friends again. I need some fresh blogs to follow. Please feel free to introduce yourself!