August Recap - 2 lbs lost

Yay, the August recap is actually on time this month! I lost 2 lbs this month. I wish it were a better loss, but a loss is a loss, so I won't complain.

This month was a wishy washy kind of month in terms of losing weight.

I worked out 22/30 days, with a couple even being double workout days. I have been making a real effort to just be more active, whether this means hiking, taking the dogs for more walks, swimming laps in the pool or playing wii.

However, my eating has varied from good to bad. And I've heard that 80% of the weight loss battle is the eating part, hence my little weight loss this month.

In September, my goal is to stay completely on track and lose 7-8 lbs, which would mean getting out of the 170's. 

She believed she could, so she did

When you set your mind to something and believe you can do it, you can. It's as simple as that. I think having motivation, self-confidence and the belief that you can do something is the hardest part of the game.

Personally, it's when I get down about myself, my life, my progress, my last cookie, WHATEVER, that is when I stop believing I can do things. I wallow in self-doubt and start thinking about how I can't do this or that, or how hard it is or how much farther I have to go, etc. Basically any negative thought and emotion comes into my head.

But when I stop and remind myself that I CAN do it if I really want to, and really focus on it, and really put forth the effort it takes to get there, then I just do. It just happens.

This week has been very good so far  because of one thing- my attitude. I know what I need to do to lose weight and I know I can do it, so I am doing it. I have been working out well and eating well. Hopefully that will show up on the scales this week and it'll all be downhill from there- the good kind of downhill!

Annoyingly Typical Weigh In

I'm 177.0, which means I've gained 1.8 lbs since last week.

What happened?

The good: I worked out 6/7 days, with day even doing a double workout.

The bad: While I "tracked" what I ate, I always went over, thinking I was just using my Weekly Pts.

What I think is the main culprit: Emotional eating. I thought I had a better handle on this, but apparently I don't. It's been a little bit of an emotional week, I've felt down about certain things, and I definitely turned to food and knew I was doing it, but didn't even care...

Will I ever get past 175? I have been stuck between 175 and 179 for MONTHS. It is so frustrating. It is also all my fault, so I can't really complain unless I'm going to do something about it.

So there it is. Another week lost. I'm pretty much pissed at myself. I need to get serious about this. I need to stop the overeating. I can't believe how much I am struggling these days.

*Update: After I wrote this, I did a 30 minute DVD (Bob's Biggest Loser bootcamp) and an hour on the elliptical, and put in a lot of effort because I was pissed. For me, pissed = motivation. I burned 915 calories and weighed myself again, and it was 176.1. Is it cheating to count that weight instead since we're still on the same day? No? Ok, great. So I gained 0.9 lbs. Still in the wrong direction, but gunna lose it this week. Cuz I'm pissed...

What is it about seeing yourself in pictures?

I look in the mirror. I know what I look like. But why is it that when I see a picture of myself, I immediately see every flaw and get really down on myself?

People always say that they got the wake up call about their weight when they saw a picture of themselves. Why is that? Has this ever happened to you?

It's kind of like in that movie, Clueless, when Alicia Silverstone says she always takes Polaroids to see how she looks in a certain outfit because she doesn't trust mirrors...

This is a picture of me taken like a week ago when I was hiking. My puppy doesn't look too happy, she wants to get on with her walk. But this picture did help me to get back to being strict. Yes, I've come a long way, but I still have a ways to go.

I could go on and pick apart everything little thing I hate about my body, but for your sake, I won't. I just need to stay on plan and get down to a weight I can be comfortable at.

Damn cookies

My family went grocery shopping today and bought 2 boxes of cookies- like the really good homemade kind. One white chocolate macadamia nut and the other cranberry white chocolate... And those are my all time favorite.

When I walked in the kitchen and saw those, I was like, "Aww what are you doing to me?!" And my mom made some joke about how she didn't want them to buy them either because she is watching her weight too.

Then I jokingly said, "Well guess I'm not losing any weight this week..." And then I realized how horrible that sounded! Like hello... I am not powerless over the damn cookies. I have a choice of whether I want to eat them or not.

So I did have one today but that is it. No more cookies for me. (But hopefully they eat those damn things quick and get them out of here! lol)

*Yes, I know everyone else who is not dieting should be able to buy and eat whatever they want... I am mostly joking here. But it sure does make it harder!

Double workouts

I did two workouts today. I did the usual 60 mins on the elliptical, and then later in the afternoon, I took the dogs on a walk and ended up getting hot and sweaty since it is so hilly around here, so I thought, hey why not do another workout on the elliptical. I would have just watched TV or gone on the computer, so better to get on the elliptical and do that while watching TV. 

Since I don't have a job right now, I figure I should do something good with this time and be productive.

My friend Erin (at Erin's 6 Month Transformation) was talking about doing double workouts too and said that maybe working out twice a day would keep metabolism up even more since after you exercise it takes a while for it to go back down. And if that happens, all the better!

So I looked it up and that is exactly true. Working out twice a day will obviously allow you to burn twice the calories, but give you that increased metabolism rate for the few hours right after the workout - twice!

Basically doing anything to get your heart rate up more times during the day is a good thing. Kind of obvious, but it's good to know and a good motivator to keep up with the double workouts.

Weigh In

This week I worked out 5/7 days and counted points, but definitely dipped into my weekly points which I usually don't do. I probably used all of them. I also went to the beach for the weekend and ate at restaurants and had some drinks.

So, as expected, my weigh in wasn't awesome, but it's ok. I lost 0.5.

Not much else to report. Ever have one of those days where you wake up and go to make a smoothie but don't have any yogurt, so you try to make it without yogurt and no matter what you do, it ends up tasting horrible? Yeah... totally. 

Here's to a better weigh in next week. I hope you all are doing well! Gotta keep on keepin' on!

Munchies all day long

I had one of those days where I just wanted to eat all day long.

I am still counting points, so I wasn't going over; technically I was just using my weekly points. I never used to use those, but hey, they're there for a reason, right? I won't use all of them every week...

I know it's me being stressed or feeling down or being in a funk. Whatever you want to call it. I need to reread the Geneen Roth books on emotional eating.

I feel like I can't get a job to save my life these days. I either don't have enough experience for the jobs I want, I'm overqualified for the jobs I would settle on, and don't have recent enough customer service experience to get the retail/ food service jobs. What the hell?!?

I mostly feel helpless, which is the worst feeling because I don't know what to do to change things. My last post was all about how you choose what your life is like, which I definitely believe, but what about when you are trying and nothing is coming together?

I am doing good with working out and staying on track with the eating. But I'm struggling with everything else. I know I need to be more positive, but lately it's hard.

Who do you choose to be today?

There's a new website I love that is called Nerd Fitness. It has some great articles and is really inspirational!

One of the latest ones talks about how we all need to learn from our mistakes, move on from them and become who we want to be right now. Because it's all up to us. I love that. Here's a great quote from the writer, Steve Kamb: 

"Who cares who you were last year?  Who cares what you did last month?  Hell, who cares how you acted yesterday?  It has absolutely nothing to do with who you CHOOSE to be today.  That choice is 100% yours."

Isn't that great? We all have complete control over the person we want to be from now on. We can't change or do anything about the past. All we can do is focus on right now. Today. What are you going to do today to make yourself better than yesterday?

I can't change the fact that I wasted at least a month and decided to gain weight instead of losing, but I can change what happens this month and next month and so on! So who cares about last month. It has nothing to do with today. Or tomorrow. I choose what happens in my life, so I choose to stay on track and keep working towards my goals!

Sunday Weigh In

I am back to weighing in on Sundays now. I thought weighing in on Fridays would be good for my "mental health" but since I have been lacking motivation, I realized that now is not the time. Maybe once I get back into the swing of things and get back to making good choices consistently, I will change it to Fridays. But right now, it just makes me feel like I can cheat a little on Friday, and then hey, it's the weekend so I can cheat a little more, and then it's Monday and I've basically taken 3 days off. I just don't have the discipline for it right now.

But ANYWAY! On to the WI! Today I weigh 175.7, which means I lost 2.9 lbs this week! We can officially call this the bounce back week.

I am back to counting points, staying within my daily WW points and working out. And I will be keeping it up because it works! Gunna keep chugging along until I get to my goal!

It's funny how much motivation and drive you can get back after just one week of seeing results. To anyone who is struggling, I challenge you to take ONE week and eat right, work out and don't cheat. You will lose weight and your outlook will change because you will have proven to yourself that you CAN do it and that will make you want to keep doing it!

July Recap - 1.1 lbs gained

Wow... what a month July was. Again, this recap is a little late, but I still wanted to write it! (I just wrote the June recap too, directly preceding.) July is the first month that I actually gained weight instead of losing since I started. And it does not feel good!

This month, I moved to a new state and my routine went out the window. I didn't work out much at all- first because of the move and because I didn't have my elliptical set up, and then because I got lazy and just didn't. Only 8 days out of 31; not so good.

My eating was also not very good. I ate out at restaurants a lot and didn't make good food choices. I also drank way more than usual. Newsflash... consistent bad food choices add up to a month where I gain instead of loss! Shocker!

I am disappointed in how this month turned out, mainly because I didn't make a decision to just take a month break or anything. I thought about what I should have been doing and felt guilty when I didn't do it. Most days I have been waking up thinking that I need to get back to my healthy eating and then I just end up eating whatever without thinking about the calories or anything. (Emotional eating again! Ugh!)

Also my blogging for this month did have a bit of what I was going through, the lack of motivation and all that, but also had some fluffy blogs which I think were because I specifically didn't want to talk about how I was doing. This is a good thing to take note of, maybe it'll keep me (and you) aware!

My goal for August (even tho we are well into it) is to get back on track. I used to be so gung ho, giving myself 10 lb goals every month. Where'd that chick go? I need to reevaluate my goals and why I'm doing this and GET. TO. IT. There's no time like the present. Let's say my goal for August is to lose 8 lbs, putting me at about 172. Can I do it?  We'll see!

June Recap - 4 lbs lost

On my Weekly Weigh In page, I have been including a link to my monthly recap posts, so since I don't want to have a missing month, I wanted to write a June recap even if it is now August...

Just the fact that it is August tells you that June was a busy whirlwind kind of month. It also wasn't that great of a month as far as weight loss goes, since I only lost 4 lbs.

I still worked out a lot, 21 days out of 30, which was every day that I possibly could and didn't have anything planned. 

 But it was my eating that made it just an ok weight loss month. I was busy and had a few social things going on, so I wasn't always making the right choices. I was also a little stressed with the move coming up that I probably drank and snacked more than usual. I'm still trying to get a grip on my emotional eating. Sometimes I have it under control, other times, it just sneaks back up on me.

So all in all, it wasn't a bad month, but it wasn't a great one as far as the weight loss goes. 4 lbs is respectable tho, so that's it for June!

Another dating update

So I have been dating someone for over a month and it's going pretty well. We have gone out quite a bit actually, maybe 10 times. We have gone out to dinners, gone hiking, done some sightseeing to pretty scenic areas like local waterfalls and mountains, cooked dinner and grilled outside, played the Guitar Hero video game, fun stuff. We're not soul mates but we get along.

We are also attracted to each other which is obviously a good thing! He is cute so it definitely helps my self-esteem a little. And being smaller does make me feel more confident in certain areas if you know what I mean! I don't feel totally hot and attractive, especially when the clothes come off, but I don't feel fat and ugly like I used to.

This might be too much information, but sex was so horrible before I lost weight. Most of the time, I would just be so self-conscious that I couldn't enjoy anything. So it is this awesome new feeling to feel attractive now. I know it's not all pretty and I'm still overweight, but it's much better now. And it doesn't hold me back now, which I think is the biggest thing.

Anyway, I don't think I see this relationship being long-term. He's a few years older than me and has been married before. He got married really young and I think the divorce kind of turned him off from commitment. He told me that he hasn't mentioned me to his family because he never tells them about girls he is dating because then they start wanting details and talking about marriage to him. Also he seems to not want me to get too attached or have that "what are we?" talk. And for now, I am ok with that. I am still getting settled in here and am not that into having a boyfriend (altho I would be for the right guy). But we go out and do fun things, so it's ok for now.

If I were serious about finding a boyfriend, I wouldn't keep someone I knew didn't have long-term potential. But maybe right now I like having at least one person I know in this town other than my family...

What's your opinion? Any similar experiences? I love me some dating talk!

Hello, size 10!

I tried on a pair of size 10 jeans today and they fit!! I don't know what possessed me to try them on because I'm not really out of a size 12 yet, but they were just an old pair that I had sitting there, so I decided to try them on to see how far away I was. And to my surprise, they totally fit!

(This is definitely not my body...)

I also have another pair of brown cargo capris that are a 12 and are so lose I can take them off without unzippping them.

I can't officially say I'm a size 10 (which is going to be freakin awesome when I am!!!), but I am happy to say I am well on my way!

That was just what I needed to keep me in the motivated zone. Every little bit of progress made makes me want to keep pushing on and doing my best.

Have you guys seen this V8 commercial where the girl is trying on her wedding dress and it zips right up, and she's like, "That's what I'm talkin' about!" That is totally how I am when I try on smaller clothes and they fit....

So far, so good!

It's been about 4 days since I have been tracking WW points and writing down everything I eat and staying within my daily points AND working out on the elliptical and I am down about 3 lbs!

Isn't that insane?

My body always responds like that after I've been eating poorly and not working out for awhile. It's like I'm starting the whole weight loss journey all over again, since that is when you get the highest numbers.

It just goes to show that when you really do it, it really works! When you only kind of do it, it only kind of works. (I think that may be a Weight Watchers quote actually...)

And let me tell you, just seeing how quickly the pounds come off when I am being diligent and focusing on my weight loss goal is so extremely motivating! I actually get excited to step on the scale in the morning because I KNOW I've been "consistent" (see Ann's really inspiring post about being consistent!) and I KNOW it is going to be less than yesterday or at the very least, the same.

Losing motivation sucks and it's hard to get back on track, but like Nike says: Just do it!

Where are you guys at motivation-wise?

Back to basics

It's hard to be "on" all the time. I haven't been on point these last two months. But I am at the point where I HAVE to get back on board. I'm fed up with myself basically.

To get back on track, I am going back to doing it the best way I know how- counting Weight Watchers points, writing down everything I eat and working out on the elliptical 5-7 days a week.

That is what I did at the beginning, and then I moved to just eating well without counting it all out since WW had taught me the basics of that and it had just started to come naturally. And that lasted awhile, but then when my routine got changed up and motivation waned, I didn't do so well without the structure of counting out points. Solution: Get back to the basics.

This includes...

• Having a smoothie in the morning.
• Have a healthy lunch with some kind of protein, like chicken or turkey, and a veggie
• If I have a snack, like pretzels of veggie sticks (which I could eat the whole bag), I will count out the serving, write it down and count it
• Have a healthy dinner with some kind of protein and a vegetable
• Eat pudding or healthier WW fudge bars if I want a treat
• Measure serving sizes if needed, count out things, write it all down!
• Do not go over my daily points allowance
• Drink lots of water
• Work out on the elliptical every day that I can
• Add other random workouts, like playing Wii or tennis or hiking or talking walks

That's the plan! My next WI will be this Sunday (no more Friday WIs because I'm a big cheater) and it will be a good one, I PROMISE!

You are helping my motivation!

This blog has been such a great influence in helping me lose weight so far because of all of you!

I love getting comments with well wishes or helpful advice or hearing about your experiences. And I love reading your blogs and hearing about what you are doing and how it's going and all that.

Lately I have been lacking motivation. I just don't feel like eating well. I am stressed and tend to mindless eat. My routine got shaken up a bit with the move, and I haven't gotten back into the way I was being (read: healthy and diligent).

But reading your blogs these days is helping me! Some of you have been in a rut too and feeling the same lack of motivation, but some of you are going full steam ahead or just pulling yourself out of the slump. And that makes me so happy to hear and motivates me to get my butt in gear!

I think being motivated is a choice, just like being happy is. It's not something that a fairy comes down and waves a wand over your head and gives you. It's something you have to create yourself.

And the biggest thing with reading your blogs is how happy those of you are who are pushing yourself and are in the game. I used to be like that, so I know how great it feels and I want that back!

So thank you all just for being there!

Back to Sunday WIs

Apparently making my weigh ins on Friday messed with my head, and since I am already struggling to get back to a good routine and eating healthy, it only made it worse. I chose to weigh in on Friday and then not worry about anything for the whole weekend and then once I got back to Monday and the weekdays, I didn't improve then either.

I thought it would be nice to change the Sunday weigh ins because then I could enjoy the weekend and eat or drink what I wanted without being overly strict. Maybe if I was more on the ball, I could do that, but not right now.

So it is back to Sunday WIs. And I'm hoping to get back to my routine of eating well and working out. At least the eating well part. That makes the hugest difference. I start writing down everything I am eating today. That helps to keep me accountable.

Anyway, today I weighed in at 178.6, a 0.5 gain. That scale just keeps on moving up. My Weigh In page shows just how bad these last 2 months have been.

Why is this happening? Well, I do know why... the hard part is caring enough to turn it around.

But I did write about it a couple days ago, on my post titled It's never about the food, so check it out if you haven't already. 

It's never about the food

My good blogger friend, Gen, who has an awesome blog called The Geneen Roth Experiment, challenged me to really think about why I am lacking motivation. And I'm glad she did because I believe there's always a reason behind things like that.

A lot of times, you don't see the reason. Sometimes you might even look for the reason and you can't find it. You argue that there really is no other reason than feeling lazy or loving junk food. Those things might be true, but not to the extent to which is starts to really affect you.

So in order to put a halt to the rut I'm in, I need to be fully aware of what has pushed me into it to begin with. So on to my "why."

I'm stressed. I just moved to a new town. That is insanely small. Like, I was not prepared for it kind of small. It has a population of 3,000 and a median age of 58. The nearest Target is 30 minutes away. The nearest mall is an hour away. Great for retired people like my parents, not so much for a 26 year old like myself. My plan is to move to a larger city nearby.

Which leads me to my next point of stress; I'm living with my parents. I have been for the last year since I broke up with my very long term boyfriend. I don't feel like I am living the kind of life a 26 year old should be living. Yeah, that's subjective, but I used to live with my boyfriend in a house, close to being engaged. Now I am living at home with my parents, with no job, no boyfriend, no real plan.

My main priority right now is finding a job. It's hard because I graduated 3 years ago and have little to show for it. I have a couple short term, temporary jobs on my resume, but other than that, I'm not exactly a catch to the hiring committee. I have been applying for jobs and had a few interviews since I've moved here, but so far no job. And having nothing to do and no real purpose is starting to weigh on me since it's been so long.

The fun thing lately has been the guy I'm dating. He is cool to hang out with and we go to different places and have fun, but I think he is very commitment-phobic because of a failed marriage. I can't say I like him enough where I would want to officially be his girlfriend, but with the way he talks about other girls he's dated and not wanting to move fast makes me think it's like something he is trying to avoid. Like the guy desperately trying to keep his freedom. Dating someone who is fun and casual is nice and I like having at least one friend here, but ultimately I want someone I can really be with. So I have been thinking I'll keep dating him but I don't see it being an official relationship. That does make me miss having a loving relationship and wishing I could meet someone who is right for me. So maybe that is also adding to it.

At the root of it all, I feel lost. Starting over from scratch is hard. I feel like other than my family, I have nothing right now. It's overwhelming trying to put it all together.

So maybe that was too much info, but that is pretty much what is going on with me these days. I know I need to be more in touch with what I am feeling when I want to eat a bunch of chips or crackers or have plain white toast with lots of peanut butter on it for breakfast...

Final note: It's never about the food. It's always about something else going on that is pushing you to eat or drink as a way to make yourself feel better. So I think figuring out the reason and focusing on the feelings behind it is an important part in getting past it.

The economics of gaining & losing weight

I've been buying new clothes lately because I have been going on job interviews and dating a new guy where we go out and do things a lot. And I just need new clothes that fit me at the size I am right now. (Granted I did keep my "skinny" clothes so thankfully I do have some as the scale moves down.)

I like buying clothes now because I can actually fit into them easily and not hate the way I look, which is a new thing for me! However, it is also a little draining financially to buy new clothes and then lose weight and have them be too big and have to buy all new ones.

I have 2 pair of black pants and refuse to buy any more "business" type pants because hopefully I will continue to lose weight and outgrow them. Same with jeans. Shirts are a little different because it takes longer for a top to be completely too big.

But it leads me to think... what about those people that always stay one size? Or even vary just a size or two? Do they just have one big wardrobe of clothes that they can continue to wear until they just get sick of something or it "goes out of style"? (Like my sister who has and probably always will be a size 4... lucky bitch)

But aren't those people more normal than me, for example, who has bought and donated so many clothes in the last couple years due to my weight gain and loss? I know I'm not alone in this, but I definitely think those people who don't go up and down 10+ sizes in a few years are the normal ones, and the ones I want to strive to be like.

My hope for the future is to find a happy weight and just stay there! I would love to be able to buy clothes when I feel like it or just want something new or something catches my eye rather than having to buy something out of necessity for that specific occasion and that specific weight I am at.