Fourth week itch? Feeling frustrated.

First couple weeks are always the best and the easiest. Once I started "being healthy" I lost 7lbs in the first 2 weeks and then these last 2 weeks, I've lost ONE pound. On Monday, I was 172.8, and now I'm, 173.3. So 8 lbs lost in a month, which is good, but I expected more than a lb in 2 weeks given the way I've been so on plan.

If I had been eating bad foods or overeating, then I'd be totally fine and understanding about it. But I have not been eating any snacks or anything "bad" at all. Pretty much every morning I have a smoothie (with just yogurt, banana, orange and ice), every day for lunch I have a salad (usually about 5 Weight Watchers points after dressing and whatever else), and then for dinner I have some sort of protein, lots of vegetables, sometimes rice, but never much. And then after dinner, I might have popcorn or a fudgsicle. This is a good meal plan!

I get soooo frustrated getting on the scale and seeing the same exact number day after day... all while I am straight up eating only healthy foods. And sometimes feeling bitter and deprived, haha. My boyfriend can eat anything and not gain weight, and eats snack cake things, peanut butter bar things, chips, ice cream, etc etc, and it takes effort not to join him. And what is all this effort and mindful eating getting me? Nothing. The last couple weeks anyway...

On Tuesday, we're going on vacation to California and I am looking forward to eating In N Out and whatever else I feel like eating. I won't jump off the deep end, but there will be no dieting while I'm there. And I hate to say that my motivation as of today is niet. Because right now it's not getting me anywhere. When I get back, I'll get back on the diet and start working out.

Hello again blogger friends & healthy life

Surprisingly, I have been getting comments lately (and for some reason, a ton of spam, idk why), but it has reminded me of this little space I used to write in so diligently. And then I got busy and stopped eating well and working out and have been going up and down between the same 5-10lbs for about a year and 1/2 now. Has it been that long?!

Well I am back on my healthy eating plan now. It seriously is a mental thing, like I always say, and for some reason, it just clicked in my head that I AM going to lose weight now. FOR Reals. I don't know why that motivation comes and goes, but it's here now, so I'm being strict and just trying to lose some much needed poundage.

We even had guests at our house this week, and my boyfriend's mom in town, so dinners every night - with wine, cookies, cake, cake, cake, pasta, potatoes, everything cooked in butter (not my doing), mexican food and more cake and wine. And I didn't make a big deal out of it or anything, but actually did ok eating more veggies and small portions of the fatty stuff. Even with the cake (do you ever feel like it'd be rude, and a huge deal if you turned down birthday cake?), I had a piece and only picked at it.

It also helps that I have told people, mostly just my boyfriend actually, that I am going to lose weight and eat healthy, so I don't want to do this again where I lose some weight, can barely see the difference, and then go back to the milkshakes. I feel like telling people makes me a little accountable because if I do say eff it and reunite with the Oreos, then I'll feel like I failed and everyone knows it.

Since I've said I was going to lose weight a few times in the last year and didn't, I kind of just want to prove that I still can and that I'm not just the type of forever complain about it. It's a stubborn thing.

Plus, we have some trips coming up that I don't want to be all self-conscious during. California, for one.. um yeah, beaches and bathing suits.

When'd it get so hard?

Damn I am struggling. The good news is I'm not gaining, but the bad news is I am not losing anything either.

After reading some of my old posts, I am amazed at how awesome I did for such a long time there. I had it down. I knew what to do, and I just did it. There was no other option in my mind. I was driven by some pure crazy determination.

So what happened? I took some time off, gained a little (10lbs) over about 6 months. Then I decided to get rid of that 10lbs, which thankfully I did. And now I am stuck around 170, which is 20 lbs away from my original goal to lose 100 lbs, bringing me to 150.

I have 20 lbs to lose. Which since I already lost 80, shouldn't feel so overwhelming.

I know what I need to do. Trust me, I have read every diet book on the shelves, countless fitness magazines and through this blog, met so many people with great weight loss ideas. It is not a matter of not knowing what to do. It's just doing it.

Somehow it got hard again. (That's what she said...) I think the fact that I took time off, undoing all my newly learned good habits, took me back to square one. I have to make all those healthy habits into actual habits again.

Eating what others eat

When I went out of town last week, I was with my boyfriend and his friends/ family for about 5 days straight, which meant eating all the same meals/ snacks as everyone else. When I came back from the trip, I noticed I had lost weight. This kind of made it hit me that maybe if I eat more "normally" and cut out emotional eating (which I tend to do, especially when I am alone) that I will lose weight easily. Even eating out at fast food restaurants and ordering pizza and drinking alcohol had made me lose weight. Very interesting.

I have been working from home, writing and making websites for small companies, so I do tend to eat more when I am home alone. A few handfuls of this and nibbles of that equal way more calories than I should be eating.

Funny how other people (who don't have a "problem" with food, like I feel like I do sometimes...) just eat normally throughout the day and stay slim. And when I eat like that, I lose weight.

This is a lesson to myself. Eat to live. I should know this by now, but I need to wrap my feelings around the fact that food will not make any situation better. No emotional eating!

What just happened?

The scale said 168.4 today. Happy dance.

But I'm confused a little... what'd I eat yesterday? I mindlessly ate pretzels, M&M's, teddy grahams.

Ok, well now that I think about, I had a smoothie for breakfast. Not too much for lunch, kind of just snacked on above said junk food and then some venison jerky (which is insanely good, from a deer my boyfriend shot last week.. sorry to anyone who is anti-hunting ;)) Dinner was chicken (cooked in oil), sweet potato fries (baked) and asparagus. No after dinner snacking.

So I guess all in all, I ate ok, probably stayed within my points if I had been counting.

Maybe this eating better but not putting tons of pressure to not eat one single bad thing is working out. I like it.

Can't believe it's mid September

Wow, time is just flying by. I can't believe summer is pretty much over and we're already halfway into September. I am excited for fall, leaves changing color, wearing sweaters, pumpkins, apples.

I actually haven't weighed myself in awhile. Been busy, had to go out of town this past week, and haven't been thinking about dieting. But I did get on the scale today and was happy to see 170.6. It's gone down without trying too much and still having meals out and alcohol.

I plan on starting to eat healthy again. I think this time I am just going to eat healthy and not put so much pressure on myself. I won't eat ice cream every night or snack on bad stuff all day, but if I am dying for a cookie or whatever it is, I'll just have one.

I'm realizing that my all or nothing attitude is not doing me any favors, so by relaxing a bit, maybe it will just come together naturally.

Weigh In

Gained 0.8lbs this week.

Up and down and up and down. I will get my shit together soon. This week was not the week. Or apparently the month.

I just updated my weigh in page and got to see the numbers all lined up, showing that I lost 0.8lbs this whole month. What a waste.

Biting my nose to spite my face

My mom likes to say this phrase, "You're biting your nose to spite your face." Meaning you are pouting or acting in some way that is only hurting yourself more than what was originally the problem.

And after today's look at the scale (174... up 2 lbs from yesterday, which was 2 lbs up from the day before... WTF have I been eating to do this to myself??! I don't get it), I realize maybe that's what I am doing a little bit.

I didn't eat THAT bad yesterday, but I did have ice cream, and 2 glasses of wine... And maybe that was because I was already mad about yesterday's gain and I acted all "I don't even care" and look what it got me. Maybe?

Soooo before I sink myself too low into the self-pity, self-sabotage hole, I need to just be ultra strict and get that number back down.

UGGGHHHH!

The bird

I flipped off my scale today.

Same weight as yesterday, despite eating healthy and working out. 

I know, I know I shouldn't weigh myself every day. But I do and I can't stop myself.

This week's motivator: I'm pissed.

Will. Not. Be. In. 170's. By. Friday.

Confused :(

Today the scale said 172.4. What? How could I have gained 2 lbs in a day?

I definitely didn't eat anything too bad yesterday either. I had cereal for breakfast, leftover pizza for lunch (yeah, not so good), grapes, then steak, a sweet potato and green beans for dinner, and a fudgsicle later on. NOT 2lbs worth of food.

I don't get it... I'm confused. And a little pissed. I feel like that last week I took "off" screwed me up so bad. Why is it so hard right now? I am working out on the elliptical and making better eating choices and am having nothing to show for it.

What do I need to do? Eat nothing but protein and vegetables this next week?