Wednesday, May 16, 2012

It has officially caught up to me

I stepped on the scale today. I now weigh 181. Yep, I am back into the 180s. After getting to the 160s. I am sickened. What did I expect to happen? I went from eating totally clean with very little "cheating" to eating whatever I felt like. Which, especially living with a guy who can eat anything and not gain weight, is mostly unhealthy stuff.

Ice cream, chips, pizza, wine, tacos, cupcakes, frosting, wine, grilled cheese sandwiches, pasta, wine. And I thought I wouldn't get up to 180? Or was I trying to get up here?

That's what is really eating me right now. Am I sabotaging myself? Why am I doing this to myself and not stopping? Like it wasn't going to catch up to me. Well it is officially caught up. I've gained over 10 lbs and my pants are fitting a little tighter. Shirts I used to feel comfortable in are now in the back of the closet. I'm so mad and disappointed in myself. @#$%^*&^%$#!!!

6 comments:

safire said...

We've all had temporary set-backs. You can beat this and get back on track. I think accountability and facing the music is step 1 then it's doing some soul-searching determining the reasons behind the gain.

Good luck with everything!

Diandra said...

What are your guy's eating habits like?

ChubbyBlogger said...

This helps me, at least: I am not a fat person. I am a wicked awesome (and a little bit sexy) person, temporarily stuck in a fat suit. That's a bummer, but I'll eventually get this fat suit off, so more people can see the awesome sexiness beneath.

Don't let 180lbs become your identity. This is not YOU, this is an external problem you have to deal with right now. And you fell off the wagon a little. As someone who lost almost 50lbs, then got pregnant and gained over 40lbs back eating whatever the crap I wanted for 9 months, I feel ya. It's a bummer to have to lose weight you felt like you'd already gotten past, but remember: those 10 pounds don't define you, they're just a hurdle. You are still doing an INCREDIBLE job!!!

Brendalyn said...

Reading this post I have a few thoughts.
First of all, you have mentioned a few times your BF eats whatever he wants and doesn't gain weight. I used to think this about a thin friend or 2 as well but it turns out that they did eat whatever they wanted. However, they didn't eat out of boredom, or depression, or because they had a bad food day so they may as well eat everything in site. They decided they wanted something, they figured how how bad, and they had it, or they didn't. What we don't see, or notice from these people is how often food is available and they choose not to have it. We can do the same, when I lost my 90 lbs, there was no off limit food, but everything was carefully evaluated.
Another thought is that you have gained 10 lbs. 10 lbs, so what? Figure out what is going on in you head, and stop it now. You can do it. I also "fell off the wagon" and gained 40 lbs, I am now half way back to where I was a few years ago. I am discouraged that I gained all that weight back, (I was going through a very rough time and I made a whole bunch of bad food decisions) but I know that I can get to the fitness level I want. We all can... it's math, more out than in. We can do it!!!

Erin said...

Hang in there!!! I know I gained a bit of weight during my recent vacation to London, so now that I'm back I know it's time to get serious again and get back into a routine. I haven't been doing anything regularly for probably the past 2 months. I have faith you can do this!!!

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