Thursday, March 29, 2012

I hate myself

For some reason, the minute I tell myself I need to start eating healthy, I can think of nothing else but eating everything in sight. And it's always when I'm by myself too, which tells you just how sick it is. This morning, I ate handfuls of some chocolate cereal and then 2 pop tarts, and then had a healthy lunch with my boyfriend, and then when he left to get some work done, I sat around and ate chips, and then made cupcakes (for my boyfriend and roommate.. yeah, who's buying that one?). I must have ate at least 2 cupcakes in batter alone and then made frosting and ate enough of that too. And then randomly, I ate some deli meat.

What. The. Hell. What is wrong with me??

Obviously I'm an emotional eater. Today almost felt like binging which is scaring me. I will gain all my weight back so easily if I don't get my shit together. This is what happened last time. I just ate whatever random thing all day long to avoid whatever feeling I didn't want to feel. I LEARNED that. So why am I going right back to that bad habit?

Also my jeans are tight. I am in the RED ZONE.

I even worked out for an hour today! Why would I sabotage myself like this? It's like I am actively working against my goal right now. Which is horrible because before, when I didn't think about losing or gaining or anything, I just stayed the same weight. So why all of a sudden, when I make up my mind to lose weight, am I fighting against myself? Ugh, I feel so horrible.

9 comments:

safire said...

I've been bothered by the binge monster all week. It's taken all my willpower to fend him off. I think it's a combination of things including TOM around the corner.

I also use my jeans a gauge of where I should be. When I need to start again, I start off with tackling food, sleep and water first. I incorporate exercise slowly to ease into it.

Good luck with everything!

Kara Lea said...

Next time you want to go on a food frenzy (that's my term for binge monster!), email one of us-blogger friends who experience the same binge desires. It can really help bring the frenzy need down.
Day by Day-you can do it!

Nicole said...

i too had a bad day(well bad week or two to be honest) started off with 5 double stuff oreos and some chocolate milk, then for lunch fries, chicken tenders and a burger from culvers and a doughnut! ugh! why do i keep putting all this junk in! i know just how you feel. i just hate myself afterwards for stuffing my face. it's not that i'm that hungry i just want to taste all that food. tomorrow is another day and we just have to give ourselves a clean slate and try out best to do better. keep your head in the game!

Diandra said...

Maybe your focus is upside down. Instead of thinking about all the things you "cannot" eat, come up with helathy stuff yo udo like, and eat this instead. (I have got a carrot cupcake recie for around 100kcal per cupcake, if I remember correctly... gotta find it for next week.) Don't focus on the "forbidden fries", the "forbidden fruit" is way healthier anyway. ^^

Kimmi said...

I feel the same way! The minute I want to get back on track is the minute that I suddenly crave everything! I am a stress/emotional eater as well and I crave that instant gratification of food only to torment myself later. So I know just what you are going through worrying about binging and the being alone with food situation. However the best we can do is try to let this feeling go, recognize it and release it. We can do this, food is not the enemy!

Brendalyn said...

Emotional eating has been the undoing of many of us. I know we don't really 'know' each other, and I hope I don't sound preachy, but I know for me it it was hard to put my finger on my trigger(s), but when I did, it helped me to resist them.
I also want all the foods I deem forbidden as soon as I decide I'm not having them. Because of this when I decided to get back on track this time I decided I would have no forbidden foods. I am counting calories and as long as I say under the daily number I set for myself, I eat whatever I want. Somehow knowing that I can have it if I want it badly enough, and have the calories left for it for the day takes out the whole 'forbidden fruit' thing.
I explain more on my blog. FYI, I have lost 26 lbs since Jan 1, 2012.

kevin said...

There's no easy way to not overeat or binge on food. It's just got to be done. Don't beat yourself up over it, but don't just brush it off, either, because those bad days add up.

I suggest counting macros aside from calories. Will make things a little simpler, and MAYBE a little easier. Good luck!

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