Weigh In

Gained 0.8lbs this week.

Up and down and up and down. I will get my shit together soon. This week was not the week. Or apparently the month.

I just updated my weigh in page and got to see the numbers all lined up, showing that I lost 0.8lbs this whole month. What a waste.

Biting my nose to spite my face

My mom likes to say this phrase, "You're biting your nose to spite your face." Meaning you are pouting or acting in some way that is only hurting yourself more than what was originally the problem.

And after today's look at the scale (174... up 2 lbs from yesterday, which was 2 lbs up from the day before... WTF have I been eating to do this to myself??! I don't get it), I realize maybe that's what I am doing a little bit.

I didn't eat THAT bad yesterday, but I did have ice cream, and 2 glasses of wine... And maybe that was because I was already mad about yesterday's gain and I acted all "I don't even care" and look what it got me. Maybe?

Soooo before I sink myself too low into the self-pity, self-sabotage hole, I need to just be ultra strict and get that number back down.

UGGGHHHH!

The bird

I flipped off my scale today.

Same weight as yesterday, despite eating healthy and working out. 

I know, I know I shouldn't weigh myself every day. But I do and I can't stop myself.

This week's motivator: I'm pissed.

Will. Not. Be. In. 170's. By. Friday.

Confused :(

Today the scale said 172.4. What? How could I have gained 2 lbs in a day?

I definitely didn't eat anything too bad yesterday either. I had cereal for breakfast, leftover pizza for lunch (yeah, not so good), grapes, then steak, a sweet potato and green beans for dinner, and a fudgsicle later on. NOT 2lbs worth of food.

I don't get it... I'm confused. And a little pissed. I feel like that last week I took "off" screwed me up so bad. Why is it so hard right now? I am working out on the elliptical and making better eating choices and am having nothing to show for it.

What do I need to do? Eat nothing but protein and vegetables this next week?

Friday Weigh In

This week's weigh in  - 170.6. I lost 2.6 lbs this week.

I'm happy with this, especially because I wasn't THAT strict this week. I had pizza for dinner last night with a glass of wine. I also ate chocolate this week, like handfuls of M&Ms. My point is that usually when I am in full weight loss mode, I deprive myself with every little thing I want.

This week's WI is good because it shows me I can have a little "cheat" thing every once in a while if I don't go nuts, and I can still lose weight.

However, I am back still in the 170's, which is a bummer after reaching the 160s a couple weeks ago.

My unfortunate discovery...

What takes me a week to gain, takes me two weeks to lose.

But I'm bringin the number on down, so it's all good in the hood. I'll be out of the 170s next week for sure.

New me, new blog look?

I'm starting to think that my blog needs a little update. I started it over a year ago, and feel different now than I did then. And my blog should reflect that. It's feeling a bit dull.

When I first started blogging, I had lost 30 lbs (of the 80 so far), was really excited about losing weight, very gung ho and had lots of time to blog. I was so into it and it helped so much. I had some great followers and fun blogs to stay on top of. I was also very lost and feeling like I had lost myself so much and very much needed to "get me back."

Now I still feel a little bit like I need to get "me" back, and especially reach my ultimate goal of 100lbs lost, but I have gotten so much of myself back already. I am not as lost as I was back then. I have more confidence, I know who I am a little more now. And I still love blogging and having great supporters, altho I feel like I lost a few of them in my blogging absence.

So that's where I am now... and I'm thinking my blog needs a little face lift. My template is just a plain old standard one. I see so many cool blog headers that are custom made - how did you guys do that?

If anyone has any suggestions of new pages, sections, ideas, etc, please let me know.

Also I would love some help on how to make a custom template and a new header! Do you use stock photos? What program do you use?

Thanks guys!

THE GOAL

I didn't do myself any favors last week and the scale showed it. That means this week is the recovery week, trying to lose the weight I gained so I can be back to my previous weigh in number.

Why is it so easy to gain 3 lbs in a week? So far, I have gone down 2, so maybe it was water and bloat and cookies and wine...

I am not letting a week "off" derail everything I have done so far. I need to get to my goal of 150lbs and am not going to stop until I do.

Sometimes I give myself a concrete goal, like saying I want to lose 10 lbs this month, but typically I just tell myself the goal is to work out consistently and eat well. And then what happens, happens, and usually the scale reflects my efforts. [I suppose I do this because I don't like stating a goal and then not making it...]

That being said, I think I do need a concrete goal...

THE GOAL: I will hit my goal weight of 150lbs by Thanksgiving (Nov. 22). That just so happens to be three months from now. I can lose 20 lbs in 3 months.

Note: I originally wrote,"I will hit my goal weight of 150lbs by Christmas." But I think that is a long way off. I can do it before then. Maybe I can even do it before Thanksgiving.

But there it is, a concrete goal. I will either do it or I won't. But I am pretty sure I will, and you heard it here!

Accidentally took a week off..

First it started with having family in town and socializing. I still haven't found the perfect balance of eating healthy and having good food/ drinks in moderation. So instead I just have an off day. I don't go off the deep end and binge like crazy, I just stop caring about the calories in everything.

And the scale reflects that because today's weight was 173, over 3 lbs up from last Friday.

Once again, I'm back on plan. Tomorrow I will wake up and work out, and I am back to eating very healthy. I am going to start making an effort to have balance. I am counting points, so that allows me to have a cookie if I want to, or have a s'more or a glass of wine as long as I count it and allow for it. So why not?

I need: Balance, balance, balance. 

Moderation = sanity. 

Deprivation = torture.

I found this on Pinterest (LOVE pinterest).. and I need to keep it in mind!

Not so great with "vacation mode"

When I go on vacation or visit anyone, of course it's always more difficult to have control over food and where we go out to eat and all that. But it appears to be the same when people are in from out of town visiting as well. I could easily be eating well, but I just don't.

It's been nice because this summer has been so much fun and we've gone on a few trips and had a few different family members come visit. It's just not so easy on the diet. I end up having the snacks and the drinks and ordering poorly at restaurants.

Well my cousins have been here this week, but are leaving tomorrow so I'll be back on plan. I keep telling myself that when I lose the weight and get to the maintenance phase, then I will learn to balance more rather than going full force, then taking a week off.

Back on plan tomorrow. I'm sure I'll regret this when I weigh in this week, but I only did this to myself.

I need to re-read Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth. That helped me out with emotional eating a lot. Do any of you have fave reads that helped?

A little bit of a cheat weekend

I had a fun weekend. Me and the man went to visit his uncle out on the lake, went out to lunch and dinner, then hung out with my family that's in from out of town yesterday. It was a good time, and I was a little lax on the diet.

By the time we had lunch on Saturday, I was famished, so when someone suggested we go to a Mexican restaurant, I didn't object and ended up eating chips and a burrito. Oh well. Then we had a busy day, and ended up eating pretty late, stopping at a steakhouse. Again, I was so hungry, I just didn't care and ate SO much. This was definitely a "throw caution to the wind" kind of cheat meal. Oh well. It was good for my sanity.

Yesterday wasn't exactly a full out cheat day, but it wasn't healthy. I had wine and chips and guacamole when we had dinner with the fam and cheesy potatoes.

And I guess I'm on a roll because I already had a cookie and a bowl of cereal today.

That's what cheating can do - derail you. I won't let it tho. I think I needed a little cheating because the diet was making me crazy and cranky.

I need to incorporate more somewhat healthy, but still good treats into my diet so I don't always feel deprived. I also need to allow myself to have one random cookie if I want it and not be so strict.

It's gotta be a lifestyle change not just a diet. Plus I really don't want to be hating life the whole time I'm losing weight. There's gotta be a happy medium, so I'll find one!

Happy Weigh In

I lost 1.6 lbs this week, which brings me to 169.5. I am happy to be in the 160s again. May it only go down from here! Also, since I started really being healthy again, 4 weeks ago, I've lost 10 lbs!

I have been eating pretty well and working out, mostly on the elliptical, but I did go for a run/walk a few times.

Last night was so hard. Our roommate bought a dozen cookies from Subway. If you haven't had Subway's cookies, don't even try them because they are beyond awesome and you will be bitter if you have to say no to them. White chocolate macadamia is so my fave cookie, and then they have a raspberry white chocolate cookie that's even better... So good. They are 6 points. And I said no!Of course, I thought about them all night and they are still there this morning but no.

I also made banana muffins because we had to use up some over ripe bananas. We didn't have applesauce or anything to make it a healthy version, so I just made it with sugar and flour, and also said no to this. Although this morning, I did have one muffin top and threw away the rest.

I saw this interesting quote this week that made me think. Mixed feelings on it- first thought was, "Yep, that's true!" Other thoughts were along the lines of, that's sad, losing weight can really be torturous, such a mental game...

Gwen Stefani on staying fit - “There is no secret: You just have to eat healthy, work out, and torture yourself!”

Healthy Clean Eating

I'm not sure what my "diet" is right now- I am just aiming to eat healthier and make sure I stay within what I know my Weight Watchers points are. I did WW before, so I know the points values better than calories, so I just keep a mental note of how many I've had all day.

I know a lot of people who are doing the "clean diet", which seems to just be everything that is natural. Nothing that comes in a yummy potato chip bag or cookie box... Mostly proteins and fruits and vegetables. The most starchy thing I am eating these days are potatoes.

I'm not officially eating clean or not eating any carbs, but just by watching my points (which I recommend to everyone), I am automatically doing that.

Like tomorrow, I am going to be having lunch with a friend who is coming over with sandwich meat... and I am realizing that unless I want to make a big deal out of being on a diet now, I'll have to have a sandwich with bread and the whole shebang. I just think it's funny how having 2 slices of bread is so unappealing to me now. I would so rather use my points in a different way than have a lame-o sandwich.

I am happy to say that I am seeing a shift in the way I am feeling about food and eating. I am being strict and while it sucks to have to turn down some foods, at least it's becoming a habit to just eat clean and healthy.

In other news, I've started working out.. 3 days in a row now. Hopefully that'll make the scale move this week!

In struggle, you find strength.

I don't know what's going on with me lately. I feel depressed and moody. I cry so easily these days. I'm down on myself, hating how much I weigh, not feeling successful enough in my job, not feeling attractive enough to my boyfriend, feeling like I don't have enough friends here. Maybe it's just the combo of it all. But them sometimes I do stop and think of how good I have it. It's up and down.

I feel like I need to push myself through this before it completely takes me over and I dig myself into a deeper hole.

Here's a quote from a Powerade commercial that I got from a  fellow blogger, WW For Life...

"Be annoyed. Go cry. You’re on the line between breaking point and breaking through. In struggle you’ll find strength. Now get over that line."

Such a good quote. I need to tell myself this over and over to get over whatever I am going through these days. 

Emotional and angry

I don't know what is going on with me, but I am feeling sooo emotional lately. It's almost like I am PMSing when I'm not. My mood will go up and down, and lately it is more down than up. I cry almost every day. I get so mad about the stupidest things. I feel so shitty.

Part of it is just feeling so down on myself lately. I hate the way I look. Which is kind of weird because I've been at this weight for awhile, about 4-6 months, and the hating myself thing just came on suddenly.

If I'm being honest, I guess I do know where it stems from.. other than the fact that I just obviously need to lose weight. My boyfriend's sister and I were talking about weight - she lost a whole bunch after having a baby, and I gained a bunch after having a plate of french fries - and I told her that I needed to buy some clothes for a trip we were talking. This was nonchalant girl talk, from what I understood. Well that vacation came and went. I did buy some new tops and summer clothes, but I still fit into all my pants, thankyouverymuch.Anyway, once we got back from vacation, she brings me her old fat clothes. And they were UGLY. 1st, I still fit into my clothes. 2nd, I can afford new clothes if I want. 3rd, As a 27 yr old, I do not need to be wearing lime green jeans with little swordfish all over them. 4th, WHO brings someone else their FAT CLOTHES! And she didn't even GIVE them to me, she LOANED them to me, until she gains weight or I lose weight, whichever comes first apparently. I looked thru them and politely gave them back, saying I still fit into my clothes and didn't really think I'd wear them. Also, I'm not a storage unit (didn't say that one tho..)

Maybe that sounds petty, but for some reason, it just did a number on me. Like she could tell that I gained weight. And I did gain about 12lbs, so that's fine. But to bring me clothes makes me feel like I am disgusting and pouring out of my clothes and can't afford to go buy the new fat pants I apparently need.

My bf was great about it, he said his sister was crazy and didn't realize what she was doing, and I do know she meant well. But around that time, *TMI* I tried to initiate sex and he was "tired." And it seems like I want to more than he does, and he'd be happy with just once a week. Which sends me down another spiral of thinking that he's not attracted to me, and why would he be when I look like this? I wouldn't want to have sex with me either.

So I'm trying to eat healthy and he knows this. I am constantly saying I can't have this or that when he offers me stuff. But we still go get a movie and he wants to get dessert stuff. Or he'll make cookies and go on about the cookie dough, which I love too. Or I mention we could get frozen yogurt, because at least that's a splurge I can maybe not feel so guilty about, but he just wants to have ice cream at home, which I can't have. It's not his fault.

But I get angry about little shit like that anyway, and I don't know why. Or how to stop it. It's not just the diet tho, I'm just really irritable. I'll get so mad and then sad and just cry.

I sound like a joy, don't I?! :)

WI - Making up for last weekend

This week's weigh in - 171.1, so I lost about a pound. This is because of last weekend, eating bad and drinking too much. I didn't think I was eating/ drinking that bad but the scale tells a different story. So after Monday, I was basically just trying to undo the damage I did those last 4 days.

I need to start working out more too. I'm getting a little down about it. I want the weight to come off faster, especially if I am typically saying no to everything I want to eat.

Bleh!