Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I'm in pain.

That stupid 30 day shred piece of crap workout kicked my ass so hard. I can't walk. I can't sit down. I can't  stand up. I can't do stairs. It's so sad, I'm walking around like an old lady today.

I wasn't going to do the elliptical (and hell no was I going to do the shred again), but then I had something that triggered my need to get aggression out... while at the same time making me want to eat an entire pizza. (How's that for emotional eating?)

My ex emailed me. He has a new girlfriend, but apparently still wants to be friends (read: keep me on the back burner). We were together for a long time and I know he still thinks fate (or some other bullshit) will bring us back together again. But once you break up for like, the 4th time, that's probably not wise to go thru again. It's just very frustrating to hear from him when he has a girlfriend yet still wants to make sure I don't move on. I'm going to respond something nice, but something to the effect that we can't talk anymore. I think a huge part of why I lost myself had to do with this relationship. Maybe I always knew it wasn't right, but I felt like we were together for so long that I shouldn't just throw it away. I was unhappy and lonely, I made my entire life about him, and I definitely used food as a drug to try to ignore those feelings and the fact that I was so unhappy with my life. It's so hard to love someone and miss them, but know that it's just not in your best interest to have them in your life. So for once in a long, long time, I am putting myself first and focusing on what is good for me.

I didn't order that pizza, but I did workout - listening to angry girl music. :) I'm not letting anything derail me right now, especially him.

16 comments:

Dawn said...

Oh I'm so with you here.....letting an ex ( in my case ex love of my life ...sob sob) make me sad enough to overeat. You are doing the best thing ever and fighting for you ...you are more important as a woman and an individual than any relationship...I promise.
I referred to you in my post today...I hope you don't mind, I just wanted to warn you that I had
Take care, keep strong
Dawn

Baby Weight and Beyond said...

Much better way to deal with it! I think it's great that you are going to cut him out of your life!

Jessica said...

Hey I am a new reader and just wanted to chime in...
Good for you for letting him know that the friends thing won't work. I was in an off and on relationship for six years...and I LOST myself too! The best thing I ever did was move on :) Good Luck to ya! Looking forward to reading more about you.

~ Darla ~ said...

How very insightful of you. Some people never get to that realization. Good for you. I have a friend that has been going through this for over 20 years and it's painful to watch because she is sooooo worth more than that.

I'm glad you didn't eat the pizza. You'd feel even worse if you did that, right? Stay strong.

Diet Chic ~ Jury said...

You had the opportunity to drown yourself in some pizza, and in a situation such as this I wouldn't have blamed you. But you did what's good for YOU!!! Yay. you made the right choice, and working out to angry girl music is the best stress reliever. I made a post a while back SELF-worth, I feel in this journey it's very important for us to realize how worthy we really are of things that are good for us, physically, emotionally and mentally.
Good job making the decision to keep him out of your life, that's the hardest part.

Polar's Mom said...

OMG. That was me. Hanging on. Clinging to 'friendship' in the hopes that we would work out. Trying to cut the strings so I could move on. And I did cut them-completely. No talking, emailing, texting, NOTHING. One month later, all the love, anger, stress, were HISTORY. And I was sure he was the one, and we were together a LONG time. So yes, closure=happiness. Got get you some, girlfriend!

Polar's Mom
www.polarspage.blogspot.com

Devon said...

Good job on the angry girl music! One of my favorites to listen to is "So What" by Pink--also I like "Gives You Hell" by the All-American Rejects--I think of my exes when I listen to those two...they're great workout songs. :)

GO GIRL. Don't let that ex derail. You are worth more than that!!!

Senora Muertos said...

Congrats on saying no to the pizza! I am in the middle of a divorce from a 15yr marriage with a jerk that I totally lost myself in. It is best to cut him completely out of your life and do what you have to do to get YOU back.
www.formeforthem.blogspot.com

Kari Ann said...

Good for you! 1. Boys suck 2. You need to keep positive things in your life and he clearly isnt one of them. 3. you rock

Christie said...

I'm so proud of you!!! We ALL need to do for ourselves, which I'm know at times to do for others first. It feels great once you do though!! I gotta put a laugh in here, no legs, means pain going to pee!!! Hate that for ya!!! Lovin' your blog!

Bethanny said...

Chalk that up to the ex files!! Guys stink!!

Alissa (A Journey to Thin) said...

awwww *Hugs* Time heals all wounds. It will get better- but it's so hard to go through. Good job on working out though instead of eating!

That 30 Day Shred is a killer! I remember the first time I did it I couldn't walk for days!

Dani - tkdchick said...

Oooh poor you! That sounds like how I felt after my first Taekwon-Do class! Working it out is the best thing to do.

I'd say no need to set your junk mail filter to put his messages right in the trash!

Jenn @ watchmybuttshrinking.com said...

Good for you! I think a clean break is sometimes better, especially when you were with someone for a long time.
Sorry you're hurting from the Shred, but at least you know it works, right?? ;-)

marc said...

I'm a dude, but I've gotta say GOOD JOB. That road can't lead to anything good. I would've eaten the pizza, so good on you!

Brendalyn said...

Good job on not eating the pizza!!! That would have only made you feel worse. You are doing so great, keep it up. I saw alot of myself in this post, but sadly it took me a LOT longer to make the break. I know the feeling of not throwing away all that time though, but rather than cut and run, I just wasted more time with the wrong toxic man.