It's the climb

In the last 2 days, I have heard the song, "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus on the radio three times! And I haven't heard it in months. Maybe just a coincidence, maybe a sign. Whatever it is, it is a great reminder for the kind of mentality that I need to have. 

The song is about how reaching goals is not going to be easy, yet it is the journey that is the important part. And when it's not easy and you push through it, that is when you grow and learn and come out a stronger person. So here is to me pushing through it.

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

Weigh In

Another bad weigh in... I'm 178.1, which means I gained 1.3 lbs again this week. Super! That would make it 2.6 in 2 weeks. Bad, bad, bad.

There's no fluke with this gain. I haven't been working out and I haven't been caring about what I have been eating. I am severely lacking motivation...

Didn't I say that last week that I was going to get back on track this week? What happened there?

I need to get my ass in gear. What's the hold up? In a month, am I going to be happy if I am still the same weight? Do I like seeing the scale go up? Do I like telling all of you that I'm gaining each week?

The answer to all these questions is noooo. No.

Bathing suit pictures... eck!

I asked you guys for some advice about finding a bathing suit when I wrote a post about what I should get. So thanks for the help.

I decided against that monokini which looked good on the model and probably wouldn't have on me... and ended up getting 2 tankinis.

This is me weighing about 178. I look way better than I did before, but definitely have a ways to go.

 

 

Maybe just looking at these pictures will push me out of my motivation-lacking slump these days. Yep, I think so.

Stupid splotchy sunburn :(

The good news: I got a couple bathing suits and am comfortable enough to go to the community pool and try to get some sun.

The bad news: I missed a few random areas when putting on sunscreen and now have random red splotches on my body, such as on the small of my back, on my upper inner thighs and one spot on my lower stomach (so I have a nice little outline around my bathing suit bottoms) and then on my butt cheeks where the suit ended.

The worse news: Someone other than myself might be seeing these areas and now I look ridiculous.

The teaser news: I will take some pictures of myself in the bathing suits (both tankinis) and post them tomorrow.

A hiking we will go!

Apparently hiking is a big thing around here! There are mountains and trails everywhere, and lots of pretty things to see, like waterfalls, lakes and nice scenic views.


First of all, let me just say the last time I went hiking was when I was 16 and on a family vacation in Arizona and I hated it. I was pouty and not into it at all. I think my words were, "Wait. We're going to climb up this mountain just to turn around and come back down?!" And I was fit as a fiddle back then.

But now that I am in this new place with all this beautiful scenery, I think I will get into hiking! The thing that is great about it is that it does not feel like a work out. It feels like you are just exploring and walking around checking out the area. Usually it's not too strenuous and you aren't huffing and puffing, but you are getting exercise.

So far I've gone twice and it was a good leg workout. Again, it doesn't feel like it, but the day after, different parts of my legs are sore- parts that usually don't get worked, which is nice!

A workout that doesn't feel like one is ok in my book. Next time I will take a camera and maybe show off some of the pretty area! Also maybe next time I will bring my heart rate monitor to really see how many calories I am burning!

Bad weekend food-wise

It hasn't been a good weekend food-wise. Maybe this whole weighing in on Friday thing isn't a good idea. I don't know if that is the reason for why I've been eating too much and too unhealthy, but I have been. I ate bad and snacked a lot this weekend. And the sad part of that is that I pretty much didn't do anything that would influence me to do that, like socializing or going out to dinner- nope, it was all me! Just making bad decisions and overeating. Last night I had vanilla ice cream and melted peanut butter to drizzle on top of it... yeah, I said it.

What am I doing? Why am I not caring about what I'm eating? Am I really just lacking motivation and the desire to do it?

Maybe it's emotional. I am very stressed these days. I am in a new town, and other than my family, I only know one person. I don't have a job and am desperately trying to find one. I need my own place and a new car. I also need a LIFE! And friends. Starting over is hard...

Am I sabotaging myself? I have sabotaged myself in the past, and I haven't really talked about it here, because I haven't found myself doing it, and I really hope that's not what I'm doing now, but it's in my mind. At least the awareness of it might prevent it from happening.

My whole goal here is to lose 100 lbs. I've lost 75 (give or take these days...) and only have 25 to go. 25 lbs is not that much to lose! I could do that in 3 months if I really tried. So why am I slowing down?

I have always had the notion that when you have less to lose, it takes longer to lose it and you have to work harder. Right now, if I put in the work, I still lose at a pretty good rate. But the whole problem lately has been that I have not been putting forth the effort. I take complete responsibility... now I just gotta change it and get my act together.

Friday Weigh Day

Friday is my new WI day... and I wish I had better news to report, but I gained 1.3 lbs. I weigh 176.8.

Hey, the scale doesn't lie! So it is what it is, but next week will be better.

This week, I worked out 4 days on the elliptical and did some weight lifting. However, I have been lacking motivation and discipline with the food part of it all. I haven't been counting or really caring to be honest. I have not been going overboard or eating super bad things at all, but I just haven't been making the best choices that I know I need to make in order to lose weight. Such as drinking wine, snacking on too many Wheat Thins, making grill cheese sandwiches with full carb bread, etc.

Next week I will go back to writing everything down and counting out points because that is what keeps me honest and mindful of exactly what I am consuming and it's what works for me. And I'll keep working out of course. I also haven't been drinking much water at all, so I'll be doing that too.

Where's my gung ho?

When I first got going on this weight loss journey, I was all in. I was so "gung ho", meaning I was strict with myself and had so much motivation. Nothing got in my way. And then I took a little one month break or so over the holidays (but didn't gain), and then again got back on board with being very strict, and that lasted a good long time!

I'd say that lasted 6 months. Then life got a little busy and I moved, so my routine got rocked a little bit. And now I am more settled, and able to eat well and work out again, but the motivation is waning.

Now I am still motivated, but just not as much. I have been working out on the elliptical. And I have been trying to eat well. Key word is "trying." Before I wasn't "trying" to eat well; I just was eating well. And the difference there is the motivation and the determination.

I'm a little more lax now. I have some wine every now and then, eat what I want, maybe snack on a few too many Wheat Thins or something.

I'm not giving up or anything. I am still weighing myself and focusing on losing weight in a real way; it's just the gung ho-ness is missing. Where'd it go and how do I get it back? I miss the gung ho-ness!

Telling new people about your weight loss

Obviously the people in my life know about my weight loss because they can just see it. I have only told a few people the actual number of how much I've lost. And I even surprised myself by telling my parents my actual weight. But they're the only ones! I think it's good to talk about fitness and weight loss and what you're doing that works or to talk about the struggles and everything with friends.

But what about new people you just met? Do you tell them, "Hey, I used to weigh 250, but I've lost 75 lbs so far."

Let's talk it out...

Would it just be bragging? Yeah, I am proud that I have lost this weight, but I am equally not proud that I let myself gain it in the first place. So for me, it wouldn't be to brag or boast about how far I've come, but I wouldn't want someone else to think that it was.

Would it draw unnecessary attention to my weight? I don't like drawing attention to my body. Let's just not bring it up, ya know? When you start talking about your weight (whether you are overweight or not) it just makes the person look at your body and assess it basically. No thanks. I'd rather it almost be a non-issue than making it the center of a conversation.

Would it make people think different of me? Would they think I have bad self-control or think of me as the girl who used to be fat? Maybe that would be how they defined me.

Or would it help people understand me and get to know me better? Would they understand why I hate bathing suits (doesn't everyone tho?)?  Or understand why I'm self-conscious or not comfortable sometimes?

I also think it's different when you are talking to a girl or a guy. Girls would be easier to tell because they can understand weight issues, and women just relate to each other differently. But with guys, I would worry that they would immediately start judging me. Especially a guy I am dating... isn't huge weight gain even if you lose it, a turn off?

Also it's about timing. Obviously it's not something you bring up in the first conversation or anything, and you can just talk about it when the time feels right or with the right person.

Maybe it's not even that big of a deal! Tell people you want to tell, don't tell those you don't. Whatever!

What do you guys think? What has been your experience?

A dating follow up :)

I wrote last week about how I have been dating a guy, and I'm happy to say it's going really well! We have gone out 4 times already, and are going out again tonight. (For sushi, which I love, nice and healthy!)

We have also gone hiking, which is something I haven't done since I was 16 and on a family vacation where I bitched the entire time. However this time was really fun! We saw two different waterfalls and got to see some great scenic views! It's nice to have someone show me around here! Even nicer when it's a nice, fun guy that I like!

He's super sweet. He texts me those great "good morning" texts and throughout the day and always talks about things we can do together. And he really wants to show me around and is interested in what I like to do.

Also, certain things are just so much better in the dating world now that I have lost some weight... Like when he pulled me onto his lap the last time we hung out; we were grilling out on his patio and he just pulled me to sit on his lap. Now before, I would be freaking out thinking about how I was crushing his leg and would have tried to balance and put all my weight on my thighs to make myself seem lighter (ridiculous!), but this time, I just went with it and sat on his lap. It was nice!

And when he hugs me or puts his arm around me, I'm not trying to straighten up or suck in so he can't feel my fat, Not that it's not still there (it is!), but there is less of it and I'm not as self-conscious.

Speaking of self-conscious, on the swimming/ bathing suit front... thankfully he hasn't brought it up again, but I am sure he will. I have some one pieces that fit and look fine, and have ordered some tankinis from Target that will be here this week. Then I can try them on and return them if I don't like them. Thank you to everyone who commented on my bathing suit post, you were all very helpful!

I still fret about what to wear and don't wear shorts, but I feel better knowing he likes me. The beginning of dating always sucks. I hate first dates.. but you have to have a first date to have any other ones so what are you gunna do?

Well that's pretty much it! It's casual dating at this point and I don't know if we will get to the bf/gf point but I'm not really focusing on that so much. I am just having fun and enjoying it!

Also thank you to everyone who commented on that last dating post too! Your comments are always so encouraging and help me gain perspective on things! You all basically said to take a chance, have fun and just go for it because if I let my weight get in the way of me doing things (like it has so many times before), I would just regret it and miss out on good experiences. So thank you :)

A look at my healthy meal plan

The other day someone asked me for a sample of what I've been eating to lose weight at the rate that I have been. And I would love to, so here it is! 

For breakfast, I basically have a smoothie every morning. I do it in a blender, and put in usually a banana and an orange, and blend it, then add a handful of spinach (which you cant taste) and blend, then the yogurt (a sm carton or 1/3 cup, I like vanilla) and a cup of ice and blend it. I blend it in stages so its easier. Also other times I add frozen fruit like strawberries or mixed berries or peaches. It's so good, and if you want more substance, you can add whey protein powder.

Another good breakfast is Egg Beaters (I like the southwestern kind) scrambled up with a Laughing Cow cheese wedge, really good and low cal.

Lunch is usually cooked up zucchini and summer squash with frozen shrimp or chicken (I just buy a rotisserie and pull it apart and use that) with Adobo seasoning. (I LOVE Adobo, its in the ethnic aisle.)

Or I make a sandwich with a bagel thin and deli turkey or rotis chicken with tomato and lettuce and a cheese slice (the lower cal ones) or Laughing Cow cheese and/ or mustard. Then you don't feel like you need mayo, but if I use mayo, its lite. Or sometimes I just take a couple slices of turkey and put cheese on it and roll it up. Or I make a wrap using La Tortilla Factory tortillas, they are the lowest carb.

I have also been eating rotisserie chicken with Grey Poupon, which is really good!

Dinner is usually some sort of protein, like chicken or fish or pork (seasoned or marinated somehow) with veggies. I eat a lot of those steamer veggies. I love broccoli sauteed with garlic and Adobo, or zucchini or asparagus with sea salt. Fill up on veggies because they have hardly any cals and if you season them up, they taste really good!

The best dessert type thing (kinda the only thing really) I have is pudding with whipped cream. I make my own from the instant mixes, the Low Fat, Sugar Free ones, and they have cheesecake (my fave, so good), vanilla, choc, and choc fudge. And then I get Cool Whip FREE which is pretty much amazing bc its so low cal and you can use a lot for very little points/ calories. I have this pretty much every day :)

Also Skinny Cow or Weight Watchers ice cream bars/ sandwiches/ etc are really good.

Other snacks I have are celery, carrots or snap peas with Laughing cow cheese or granola bars (make sure to look at the nutritional info tho) or pretzels, which usually I count out so I don't eat the whole bag.. umm... or wheat thins sometimes. I don't usually eat that stuff because I tend to go overboard and don't realize how many I've had.

I like to make fries too sometimes, just take a potato (or I am into sweet potato fries these days) and cut it into small slices and bake it with salt. That way they're not "fried" and have the same cals as a simple potato.

Thats probably a good start, if not an overkill answer! I don't venture out too much when I'm eating healthy but that's ok because everything I eat I like. You really can't go wrong with things that are NOT processed or manufactured in any way. And of course, everything in moderation.

I swear by Weight Watchers. Once you learn the points values of foods and how much you're supposed to have a day, it becomes so easy to know how to eat to lose weight. I know the system, so I don't go to meetings or pay for a membership, but I love it and it works! Plus, it makes it easy to live a normal life and not feel like you're dieting!

Also drink lots of water, look up nutritional info before you go to restaurants and give yourself a cheat day or meal if you feel like you need it... Well those are my tips! Hope this helps! Do you have any for me?

Weigh In... long over due

Ok so with the move and getting settled and all, I haven't been blogging as much. But that will change because I really miss it :)

I HAVE been weighing myself, but haven't done my official Sunday WIs. I have also been thinking about changing my WI day to Friday. Yes, this would be so I could relax a little bit on the weekends. Let's call it a mental health thing. I have been dating a guy and we hang out on the weekends, so I want to just be able to go out for ice cream or have a glass of wine without worrying about the scale. I think, especially at this stage of the game, it will work for me because I know how to eat smart and I feel like I have a handle on the overeating right now.

So today's weight is 175.5, meaning I am down 1.5 from 6/28 when I last weighed in here, but it has been fluctuating in the last 2 weeks, even going up to 182 at one point.

I will be getting back on track with official WIs every week now. I am 25 lbs away from my 100 lb lost goal!! And it is GOING to happen :)

I hope you all are having a great weekend and doing well! 

Best swim suit for my body?! Ugh.

Ok I have a problem. Bathing suit season. Ugh. I. Hate. Bathing. Suits. Why? Because I hate my body and have stretch marks on my stomach and sides!

I haven't been in a bathing suit since 2008. And it was a one piece. I was self conscious, but was with my boyfriend at the time and didn't feel like I completely wanted to die. I think I was around 190-200 at that time. I weigh less now, so you'd think I might feel more comfortable, but no.

I can't stand my body. A bathing suit is just way too "hello world look at my every fat roll, cellulite dimple and stretch mark!" It makes me so uncomfortable.

So my solution for this is just to avoid having to be in one.

But.. this guy I have gone out with has a pool and has mentioned going swimming. Like it's no big deal. Sure, it's no big deal to him! But I don't even own a swimsuit. And I don't want to prance around in a bathing suit showing my every disgusting flaw!

So to my question... what kinds of swimsuits would look best on me?

Sadly I think a bikini is out because of my stretch marks and obviously because my stomach and everything would be all hanging out there. Gross. I was thinking a monokini would be good because it would cover my stomach but still be kind of like a bikini.... what do you think of this one?

I'd like to do a one piece but I wouldn't want him to be disappointed that he's with the boring chick who wears a grandma suit.

And then there's the tankini, which would probably cover my stomach enough but still be a two piece.

I should post a picture of myself on here since I haven't done that in awhile. Maybe I will soon...

Self-conscious + Dating = Stress

Right before I moved, I got on an online dating site and actually started talking to this one guy who seemed really cool! I was surprised I actually met someone that I would want to meet so soon.

But I met him this past weekend and I like him! He seems really sweet, texts me multiple times a day, and wants to hang out again. He's nice and funny and cute. It's all good.

But here's the thing. Dating when I feel so self-conscious about my body is so nerve wrecking. I'm constantly thinking about what I look like, if I look fat.

It takes me forever to find an outfit to wear. I even sit down in front of a mirror so I can see how my stomach looks in different tops! And of course it never looks good.

And it's summertime now and I don't wear shorts. He has mentioned going hiking, and I feel like I'm not one of those girls who can throw on some cute khaki shorts and a tank top and head out for a nice hike up the mountain.

And God forbid he wants to go swimming or to the lake where I would have to wear a swim suit, which he has mentioned. Horrible...

I wish I could get out of my head and just be one of those super confident girls no matter what they look like. I do feel better about my body now that I've lost weight, but I still feel so insecure. I know I should just realize that he is interested, and therefore finds me attractive, so I should just relax, but it is easier said than done.

Pant sizes are crazy these days

I am happy to report that I just bought some new clothes and bought 3 pair of pants that were all size 12! One was jeans, one was jean capris and another was white capris. I was very excited because they fit perfectly!

So does this mean I'm a size 12? My first thought honestly was that maybe the store's sizing was off. But I did shop at a couple different stores, so that's not the case. However, I still fit into my size 14 jeans and my current pants aren't fitting any looser really. It's weird. Either way, I'll take it!

My weight has leveled out, today it was around 178. I will be getting my elliptical back this week, so workouts will be starting up by Wednesday! And I am back to my eating good plan!

Attitude of Gratitude: Size 12 pants fitting good, yay!!

I'm still here!

I haven't posted in awhile since I've been busy with the move and all.

It has been a little stressful, and we have been eating at restaurants a lot and ordering pizza. But I'm mostly settled in now, so I will be eating way healthier.

I also haven't been working out. Our stuff had to come in 2 shipments (long story) and only half of my elliptical got on this truck! Grr! The other half will be here in a week or so. Also, since I have moved in with my parents (just for now! and making plans to move out!), their house is in a community that is kind of up a mountain with really skinny, one lane roads so I don't feel comfortable running or even walking the dogs outside. :(

I missed my last weigh in (it was about 181, up 4 lbs or so), but I will do it this week. I have also been thinking about changing my WI day, so we'll see. I'm not happy about gaining weight, but what did I expect with all the junk food?

How are all of you? I haven't been reading blogs, but I will definitely be catching up soon! I miss you guys :)

Attitude of Gratitude: The hardest part of the move is over!