Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Sabotage - I'm venting here

Have you ever had someone in your life who seems to want the worst for you? Even if they don't make it obvious? I am honestly starting to feel like my sister is so competitive with me and wants so much to be better than me that she literally doesn't want good things to happen to me. When I broke up with my ex and was feeling all down, she just talked and talked about her (now ex) boyfriend and what they were doing and saying. It's like when I am down, she makes a big point of being happy. When I say anything about being bad at something, she says how good she is.

And now I'm seeing it with my weight loss. I've lost 50 lbs in the last 7 months. It's noticeable. Yet she hasn't said one word about it. Instead, she constantly talks about food and tries to get me to eat the fattiest things.

Every time she comes home, she suggests dinners, lunches, snacks, appetizers for us all to eat that are so high calorie. I'm telling you; she eats like every meal is her last. She turns her nose up to Bagel Thins because they are "thin" or "diet food". Every time we are together, and have to eat together, I literally see it as a weight loss challenge.

It's really sad, but I think she would like it if I stayed fat. I feel like she is trying to sabotage me. She's always been the skinny one who can eat tons of food all the time (and does) and never gains weight. I've been the funny one, the one with better grades in college, the one who has better conversations with my parents, more funny childhood memories, who's had more friends than her, whatever. That sounds very shitty to say, I know. But what she's always had going for her is being thinner and therefore, prettier. She knows it; she wears the tightest, skimpiest clothes regardless of where we are going. A halter top and hooker boots just to go to the grocery store, sure. So what if I get thin too?

I've thought that maybe I'm just bitter and jealous that she eats whatever she wants all day long and can still stay skinny and that I need to just do my own thing and not compare myself to her. But that's not it. I was really trying not to think so negatively about her, but I just feel like it's glaringly obvious now. Maybe that's what spending 8 days straight with her did to me. (Well beyond our typical relationship shelf life, if you know what I mean).

Oh well, what am I going to do? Nothing. Ignore her. Focus on myself. Stay motivated to lose weight for myself.

Attitude of Gratitude: I'm grateful that it's warm enough outside that I can finally take the dogs for a walk.

24 comments:

L A U R A said...

I feel ya! Honestly, hun...There's going to be those types of people out there. It's funny how if you put on weight some people are so quick to tell you that, however, when you're losing weight, only your TRUE friends will be there to support and cheer you on. When I was on my weight loss journey, I made a lot of great friends, BUT also lost a few on the way. Maybe, since this is your sister who we're talking about, you might want to talk to her about her actions. Tell her that you need her to be more supportive and to stop trying to get you to eat things that you choose not to. Maybe even try including her in one of your workouts? Good luck!

paulawannacracker said...

You know, I hear what you are saying and I even have family members who encourage me to eat badly. People don't like to see other people change. They're always going to have an opinion and you just gotta let it go. I have had to "stick up" for myself. I've had to say "hey, look. I want to live a long and healthy life and that doesn't include eating pizza. Ask her for her support. Maybe uour sister is scared of losing her friend and "eating buddy." It's just a thought.

Hang in there. Stick up for yourself. She'll respect you for it.

Devon said...

Ugh, I am sorry. It really sucks that someone who should be supportive is not.

You keep sticking to your goals.

Hyla said...

That sucks. She is obviously jealous and thinks that if you lose the weight that you will outshine her in all ways. She probably thinks that you have out-shined her your life with your wit and intelligence. and she feels that all she has going for her is her looks. It is sad but maybe that is how she feels. Ah well, you cant do anything about the way she feels just got to keep doing you!

You are doing awesome by the way! I can not wait to get to where you are! Great Job!

Hyla said...

Are you taking progress pictures? I would love to see them!

Thin Lizzy said...

I totally get it. I always feel like my mother tries to sabotage me with food. She knows I'm trying to change, so what does she do? Brings me 10 Chicken Cordon Bleu for my freezer! And she'll say... What's wrong with eating McDonald's like she is totally unaware how much fat is in that food! Gah! Drives me nuts sometimes.

Spoonful of Me said...

I think it is good that you are realizing this now so you can work on making sure you do not let her sabotage you.

Kristen said...

Dont let her get you down this is not about her its about you. She needs to get over it.

My in laws have never said anything about my weigh loss. Not sure why but i can not dwell on it its not going to get me anywhere.

You are doing a great job keep it up! you have all of us cheering you on and supporting you

Ann said...

Wow, I'm sorry you have such negativity in your weight-loss journey! Hopefully everything gets better soon!! :)

~ Darla ~ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
~ Darla ~ said...

When I lost 50 lbs a million years ago and got to my goal weight some of my family members (cousins) did not say a word. My mother and I used to laugh about it because, well, were they blind, or what? Not to make light of your situation though, because it is your sister. What I have learned getting to the ripe old age of 50 is that some people really hate change and some people are terrified by it. Perhaps subconsciously that's how your sister feels.

My two cents - if your relationship is important to you I would out and out ask her why she hasn't said anything and I would say, "I feel like you are not being as supportive of my weight loss efforts as you could be. Do you want to know how you could better support me?" You'll know your answer from there :)

Good luck.

PS - if that doesn't work, Living Well is the Best Revenge.

MOM GETS_FIT said...

Sometimes you have to divorce toxic family members. They will sabatoge your success and guilt you to death. Good luck.

Baby Weight and Beyond said...

There is always someone out there who doesn't want you to succeed, it is sad, but it is true.

If you feel like it will help you should talk to her, if you think it will just get her going just live your life for you and ignore her negativity!

a.new.me.2011. said...

I totally understand what you're saying. I have two older sisters who were the thin ones and I was the chubby little sister.Now that they have both gained some weight they see how hard it is.

My 2nd oldest sister has always been in competition with me because we have different dads and my life turned out much different (and a lot more stable)then hers. She was always trying to encourage me to eat bad food with her or treating me like I was still 9 years old and saying that I had a cute Buddha belly (um, no?) but now that she has gained some weight she sees how difficult it is.

I hope your sister comes around because regardless you are going to change and she's gonna have to get over it because you're family.

Keep doing what you're doing and DON'T look back. You are doing something for you and ONLY you! Good luck!

Sarah Kopf said...

You have to remember that you're not only losing weight, but you're on a road to self discovery too. You are learning a lesson that she can't possibly understand.... Here's my two cents: according to what you've just said, she sounds a tad bit insecure. Her looks may be all she's got and now you're cramping her style. You know? Don't let it get you down! Hold your head high, be proud, and just BE you. You have goals- and are attaining them. You set limits- and follow them. That's inspiring!

Sarah
Theweatheredword.blogspot.com

Kelty said...

Unfortunately, that does happen. Sometimes though, people just don't know that they're challenging you or derailing your efforts. I suggest talking to her and telling her that you feel that she's making it harder for you to progress on your weight loss journey. It might not change anything (people can suck like that), but at the worst you've stood up for yourself. At the best, she might back off a tiny bit! Good luck either way!

135by2012 said...

I hate to talk out of turn as an outsider looking in, but maybe her body is the one thing she was always better at than you and now you are improving yourself and she feels threatened? (I hope that wasn't too harsh. It wasn't meant to be.)

Miss S. said...

Sounds like you have it figured out. It's hard for some people to swallow other's achievements when they have accomplished little themselves. Is this a relationship you could distance yourself from? It sounds like it may be about time if you can.

Carrieheff said...

Have you ever heard the saying "The best revenge is living well?" That's what you need to do. She is jealous. Maybe you should try feeling sorry for her. Yes, once you lose weight you will have it "all" and she only has her looks from what you've said. Take pity on her that she can't be supportive and just continue on your path. Get the support from you parents and friends and forget about her negativity. You're doing GREAT!! Keep up the good work!

Brendalyn said...

You may never know why she is acting the way she is, and even if you talk to her and find out, you may not be able to get her to change.
I think in these situations we need to evaluate if we are losing the weight for them, or for us. If it is for them, I fear our success rate might not be good, but if it is for us... you, as I believe it is, then really, who cares what she thinks, or does. You have your eye on the prize. It would be good to have her support, and you should have it, but you don't need it to succeed.

Ellie said...

Sounds like a fairly normal situation to me. My sister is a lot like yours the way she eats and every time she comes over she always wants to go to some new restaurant or bake some new concoction and tells me "you have lost enough weight you look fine".

I don't think she is trying to sabotage me though, I just think she wants to be my food buddy again.

But it sounds like your sister is a bit insecure with herself. She is probably jealous of the successes you have had in life and feels inferior to you. So she tries to build herself up to feel better and she is worried that if you lose weight she will lose the only thing that she thought made her better then you.

But she is your sister and she should come around when she realizes that she is important on her own and you are happier now.

One Thick Chick said...

I completely understand how you feel. I have it coming from every direction. My BFF, my husband, and my mother. I have been on this journey since the beginning of the year and I feel completely and utterly alone in this. I try to diet and eat healthy then my Husband goes out buys sodas, and ice cream, chips, and the most unhealthy thing he can find. My bestie with whom I supposes to be dieting together when I have lost more weight she wants to go out and eat and dringk our weigh in Mexican food and margaritas. Dont even get me started on my mother. You starts every sentence with your face is so pretty then says baby are you even trying to weight all the while bring over her fried chicken and biscuits and red velvet cake. SABOTAGE in all directions! I have spent the last couple of weeks just dealing with all that and now I can get back to this and committ to it with absolutely no support. Try doing that! Your sister is probably just jealous.Keep up the great work! It will pay off greatly!

Dawn said...

I think for some people , the title of the relationship defines them...I don't know your sisters name, so lets say.....Suzie.....she doesn't define herself as the woman....Suzie ....but the role..."sister" ...and that role is someones child, someones sibling. Shes acting as a young child and playing out sibling feelings. It would be so much happier for her and you if she could see herself as a woman who is related to you, but herself first.
The one person who isn't to blame, who cannot change this who cannot take responsibility for it is you. I bet thats really hard but you wont let the discouragement deter you....you're so on your way...xXx
Dawn

Diandra said...

I may be a little late to the party, but I thought I'd join nevertheless. In my case, it is my mother who appears to be trying to sabotage every little success I do have. Good thing we only see each other once or twice a year! (I have to add, my mother weighed more than 160kg at some point, which would be... more than 350lbs! She had gastric bypass surgery at some point, after several heart attacks and several visits to the hospital due to risk of kidney failure and after knee surgery... and she lost an amazing amount of weight, is currently somewhere around 85kg=190lbs... so she should know how hard and dangerous(!) obesity can be. And you know what she made for lunch the last time I was there, after I had told her I had finally lost some weight? Store-bought lasagna, with added butter, added sour cream AND an extra layer of cheese! I mainly had vegetables that day... but the last two times they have been visiting us, and then I am in control of what we eat. She still insists on going out for ice cream and stuff, but that's okay, I can make good choices...)