Thursday, June 9, 2011

Ex-bf drama: Resolved.

Feelings still kinda suck if anyone was wondering, but my head is doing a good job of setting those feelings straight. I am a million% sure that my ex-boyfriend is my EX for a reason. For the first time in over 8 years, I am honestly in a place where I know that. I don't want him. (That sentence, I don't want him, is seriously an epiphany for me.) I thought I did for a few weeks there when he was sucking me back in, but that was just a delusional fantasy I was entertaining.

Some relationships just have an addictive quality to them that makes it hard to walk away and easy to get sucked back in over and over again. They aren't healthy. It's like I am addicted to this person, whether he makes me feel good or bad, and I just need to go cold turkey and get that toxin out of my life. And like any other addict, you can't really just have "one drink" or you'll backslide. Thankfully, he showed his true colors before anything happened, before I even went to go see him in person, so I am done.

I am moving with my family to NC and am going to start over (which was the plan for the last 9+ months). We're not even talking at this point, haven't had the goodbye talk (altho we've had so many over the years, who really needs another one?), maybe we'll never talk again. Knowing him, I'll hear something else, maybe he'll want to be friends (no thanks), but I am so much in a place of being over it, that I wouldn't even have a conversation. I'd love to just ignore him or be like, "Dude leave me alone" or tell him how he has no idea how little I want him, friend or otherwise. He adds nothing positive to my life. Done!

**Also, I haven't been commenting on other blogs very much, so I'm sorry! I have been kind of distracted, but then a couple times when I was reading blogs and wanted to comment, something was wrong with Blogger I think, because I couldn't comment. And it looks like it still isn't working today. Sad :(
Attitude of Gratitude: I am sooo grateful that I honestly, 100% KNOW I do not want this guy. Not now, not ever. I deserve better. It's hard to explain, but this time is different. I'd be fine if we never spoke again. That's progress, baby!


safire said...

Some people make each other better by being together. Some people bring out the worst in each other. It's really hard to be impartial when you are the one in the situation. It sounds like you are in a better place now!

Good for you and best of luck!

Anonymous said...

Boys are just the worst. I had a similar relationships and you don't often realize how toxic they are. I am proud of you and proud of your accomplishments!

Dawn said...

You had to reach your own end to this. Ending it goes beyond the old becoming the 'ex' moment and really means ending it in your own mind. Knowing, believing its over.
Well done, I'm sure you feel sad but that decision is yours and you will start to pick up and move forward.
Proud of you x

Ann said...

Great job, lady!! You deserve to be loved, and respected.

Ex Yo-Yo Dieter Debbie said...

It sounds like you've been through a lot.

Your move to NC will probably be very helpful to you...different place, new start. And more than likely, a new man someday.

You DO deserve to be treated well!

Baby Weight and Beyond said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Baby Weight and Beyond said...

I know how you feel - I just made a comment here that was for someone else! Silly blogger!

I am so happy you are feeling better - you can do this!

Diandra said...

Sometimes it's difficult to wrap your head around stuff that, in reality, is just so evident... good you're at a healthy point again!

And re: Blogger - I've heard it may depend on which browser you're using, for some people the problems stopped once they switched to Firefox or Chrome.

Kelty said...

Some people are like drugs, and they just aren't worth it! Congrats on having your realization. You deserve someone who makes you feel amazing and joyful...maybe he'll be in NC!