This isn't a fun post. My blog is all honest, 100% truth, so I won't just skip over what I need to say.
This week has sucked. Emotionally draining. I feel defeated, disrespected, betrayed, unloved, unwanted, tired. All because of one guy. And then since I'm moving in 3 weeks, I also feel nervous, anxious, stressed and uncertain about my future. I have no plans. I have so much to figure out.
Ok, that being said (not that that should be an excuse), let's get on with it. I basically ate my weight in horrible junk food the last 2-3 days. It's just been my sister and I at home, so all we've been doing is watching TV and movies, and eating. So much so that my stomach hurt. We're talking stuffed crust pizza, Taco Bell, McDonalds, Dairy Queen, multiple slices of cheesecake, Cheetos, Tostitos with cheese dip, Oreos.
I also hate how hypocritical this makes me. I was just talking about how emotional eating didn't really work in numbing me from my feelings, so it was good that I was aware of what I was going. It still didn't work really, maybe I should have gotten drunk instead, but it gave me something else to think about I guess. I can't explain it. I think the word would be apathy.
Moral of the story is that it's easy to make good choices and be smart when everything is going fine. When things are going wrong, when it's stressful, when you are tested, that's when it's harder and you have to make a bigger effort to be mindful of your choices. And I don't have everything figured out.
What's really sad is that on Thursday, I weighed in at 177.5, which was down 2.4 since Sunday and I was really happy about that. Then today I weighed in at 183.2.
Yeah... so 2 days of binging = a 5 lb gain.
I should have followed my own advice that I give to others and thought about that 177 and how happy seeing lower numbers makes me, how the best revenge is just being happy, how overeating would only make me feel worse. But nope. Didn't think of any of that. I knew what I was doing, I just didn't care.
My promise to myself is that come tomorrow, I will be back on track completely. Eating right and working out every day. And I will be working out hard this week.
Attitude of Gratitude: I'm not too deep that I can't pull myself out of this.