Monday, June 20, 2011

I deserve good things

I'm thinking differently these days. About myself and life in general. It's pretty awesome actually.

I believe that I deserve good things now. I honestly feel that now.

I hate to say that I didn't really feel like I deserved good things when I was at my highest weight, but I didn't.

What is so horrible about that is obviously a person should not be defined or valued (or devalued) based on their weight or any other superficial thing. I would feel so bad for someone else who felt that way. I would tell them that they are crazy and of course they deserve good things, and that their weight has nothing to do with whether or not they deserve good things. But I didn't feel it for myself.

When I was with my ex-boyfriend, I was unhappy. We fought a lot and I thought about breaking up with him several times. But what it really came down to was that I didn't think I deserved better. I literally thought the words, "Well at least he loves me. I should feel lucky that someone does. What if no one else will ever love me again?" And most of that thinking had to do with my weight and body image.

But now I do I believe that I deserve a great guy, and that I will find someone who loves me and is perfect for me.

When I would interview for a job and not get the job, I would always wonder if it has to do with my weight. I would wonder if they thought that because I wasn't disciplined or willing to take care of myself, how could I take care of my work?

And now I have doubts about my work experience and abilities career-wise, but if I didn't get a job, I wouldn't immediately think it was because of my weight.

Am I just feeling like this because I have lost weight? Or am I feeling like this because I have also changed in the process of losing weight? I don't exactly know the answer to that, but I hope it is the second one. I am stronger now. I am more positive. I am proud of myself for accomplishing something. I am confident. And why should I not deserve good things? I am a good person, I treat people well, I put effort into things.

It's just such a shift in the way I feel about myself. Just to feel like I'm worthy of good things. It feels really nice.

Attitude of Gratitude: You know how my blog is titled, "Need to get me back,"? Well I feel like I really am getting myself back.

8 comments:

safire said...

You do deserve to be happy :). It's so important to makes ourselves the priority! I'm a firm believer that if we are happy, we ooze happiness to the people around us!

Dawn said...

I completely understand these feelings. Only now am I spending money on some pretty clothes, some make up, a manicure. I haven't done that in 20 years because I didn't attach too much value to myself. Why should anyone else if we don't care enough about ourselves.
You totally deserve happiness and you are making the life choices that will make you happy.
Dawn

CJ said...

Yay!

Kristen said...

you do deserve great things!!

Lali said...

Makes me happy to read that your finding yourself in a good place now. You should celebrate your triumph, reward yourself with something fabulous. :-)

Diandra said...

I've had a similar experience... I used to believe that I just *had to* be nice to everybody. Which could be a pain in the a** when talking to telemarketers or people selling something in the streets. I don't feel bad anymore about saying "No, thanks, goodby". It is almost as if, by freeing myself of the weight, I have freed myself of this imaginary obligation...

Alissa (A Journey to Thin) said...

I think feeling like this is common to those of us who has lost weight. I was just talking to a coworker about this yesterday. Losing weight is about SO much more than just looking better- but we gain so much self worth and confidence. Congrats! You DO deserve more!

Hippo Nymph said...

It's ALL about the confidence! When you are confident and comfortable with yourself, you know you deserve good things. Keep it up!